Merlin fic: Nothing Has Changed (3/?)

[dk323]

Title: Nothing Has Changed (3/?)
Author: dk323
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur
Spoilers:
Merlin ~ Tag to season 1 finale, “Le Morte D'Arthur”
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: "Well, then we’ll make sure it doesn’t come to that."
Author's Notes: I had hoped to keep this to three parts, but it looks like that won't be the case anymore. I'm not sure how long this will be. Maybe five parts total, we'll see. I didn't want to rush the timeline of the story. I'm hoping to finish by Sept. 19 (when S2 premieres :-)). My other story, "Arthur Remembers First" will be updated next. :-)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7a | Part 7b | Part 8a

 

Previously:

Merlin walked toward him. Arthur could see that he was holding a knife.
 

“It’s my magic. Mine. I would like it back. All of it,” Merlin practically growled at him.

~ * ~

“So you found out?” Arthur noted.
 

He surprised himself by not being more afraid. He just couldn’t believe that Merlin would ever follow through with harming him. No matter how convincing Merlin tried to be, Arthur felt he knew him well enough to at least be fairly confident on that matter.

 

“It wasn’t hard to figure out especially after you gave me some of my magic back. I recognized its presence.” Merlin explained. A wistful, longing look swept across his face before a drawn, restless look replaced it.

 

Arthur nodded. “Right, but you know if you just ask, I wouldn’t deny you. I don’t feel right as it is having your magic while you go without. But, there’s what the sorceress said to keep in mind—”

 

“Yes, I know what she said,” Merlin interjected sharply. He knew well that this was his fault. He asked to have this happen despite her warnings. He went through with it all the same. The regret he felt at this decision nearly consumed him.

 

Merlin increased the distance between him and Arthur. He appeared to be considering this matter and then looked at Arthur. He waved his hand at him. “Shield yourself.”

 

“What?”

 

“I can feel my magic – you don’t understand how much I want to take it back right now. I – I can’t let that happen. You need to shield yourself from me – to protect yourself. It’s the only way,” Merlin clarified.

 

Arthur wasn’t too enthusiastic to cut himself to get the drop of blood he needed, but he knew of no other way to use the magic contained inside of him. And it had worked on Merlin – proving the sorceress’s instructions to be true.

He reluctantly took the knife that suddenly appeared beside him on the bed. A look at Merlin and Arthur was met with a steady gaze.

 

“I would think you’d try to conserve what you have," Arthur said carefully. "If you’re this liberal with the magic, it’ll run out faster, you realize.”

 

Merlin shrugged, his eyes flashing gold for a moment. “Just because you have my magic doesn’t give you any reason to lecture me, Arthur.”

 

Arthur was about to say something else, but at seeing Merlin fidgeting and appearing worryingly anxious; he quickly used the knife to make a small cut in his palm. Then, realizing what he had to do, he stopped.

 

Noticing this, Merlin grinned a little too widely at him. For the moment, he seemed like his old self again.

 

“You have to ingest it, Arthur. Only way it should work.”

 

Arthur glared at him briefly. “Yes I know that. It doesn’t help the situation though. No one in their right mind swallows their own blood.”

 

“Well, it’s not exactly just your blood, is it? My magic is mixed in with it, so it might taste all right.”

 

“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur said without any heat. Nevertheless, he felt that maybe Merlin had a point. After all, when he drank from the goblet full of Merlin’s magic, it was an overall pleasant sensation. While he could not attribute a specific taste to his magic, the rush of images and different sensations he did get was an experience he would not mind going through again.

 

He licked the blood from the cut and this time, a snatch of conversation echoed in his head as the blood touched his tongue. Something that Arthur remembered well – it had happened in Ealdor when he had asked Merlin why he had left his home.

 

“I just didn't fit in anymore. I wanted to find somewhere that I did.” Merlin had told him.

 

“Had any luck?”

 

“I'm not sure yet.”

 

~ * ~

 

Upon seeing a dome-like shimmering shield go up around Arthur, Merlin moved a little closer to him.

 

“We didn’t get a chance to discuss what’s going to happen next. After I get my magic back, that is,” Merlin said.

 

Arthur sat up in his bed, a look of confusion on his face. “What are you on about? Nothing will happen. You’ll get your magic back and nothing will change. Well, granted you figure out how to keep control over your magic.”

 

Merlin gave him an incredulous look. He took a chair by the table and moved it by the prince’s bed, the harsh noise of the chair’s legs scrapping across the floor irritating Arthur.

 

“You could have just lifted the chair. With that racket, you could wake the whole castle!”

 

Merlin ignored him. Instead he had thoughtful look on his face. He placed his hands on his knees, the nervousness he felt showing through in his fidgeting hands. 

 

Then, he looked at Arthur, really looked at him and said with a small tremble in his voice, “I can’t let you just keep my secret. The risk you’d be taking – if the king were to find out and then discover you knew all this time and kept it from him. Arthur--”

 

“Well, then we’ll make sure it doesn’t come to that. If my father hasn’t noticed it so far, then it shouldn’t be too hard.”

 

“Maybe I should leave Camelot.”

 

“No, Merlin. No. Don’t even think that. That’s not even an option.”

 

“Arthur, I can’t risk anything happening to you if you’re found to be committing treason! This is serious – and only when --” Merlin paused, deciding to change the subject. “You should get a new manservant, Arthur. For the rest of this week at least, maybe longer. With how I am now, I can’t be near you.”

 

Arthur narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “ ‘Maybe longer’? What do you mean by that?”

 

Merlin shrugged. “Just in case.”

 

“Look, Merlin – I can use the shield. There’s no need--”

 

“Using magic requires energy. Energy that you can’t afford to lose – especially since you’re using your own blood. To maintain the shield, you would need to use magic on a regular basis. It’s not worth using all that blood. It’s just better if I stay away from you.”

 

“And what are you going to do?”

 

“Help Gaius, I suppose. I don’t know. There’s always something to do,” Merlin said absentmindedly.

 

At seeing Merlin’s distracted look, Arthur decided to talk about something else. Curiously, he asked, “How are you feeling? I suspect you’ve never been without your magic. It must feel strange for you…”

 

Merlin sighed, reaching out his hand to just graze the transparent shield covering Arthur. The shield flashed golden for a moment, Merlin hissing as he pulled his hand away. The shock he felt was akin to touching fire, he surmised.

 

“I’ll be all right. I just need to find something to occupy my time. Keep my mind off not having any magic.”

 

“And what exactly will that be?”

 

Merlin shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Well, I’m certainly not going to tell you. I’m not your manservant as of now, so I don’t need to inform you of what I plan to do with my time.”

 

“Wait! You can’t just quit like that. I have to dismiss you,” Arthur said quickly as Merlin stood up and turned to leave the room.

 

Merlin looked back at Arthur and he nodded at him. “Goodbye, Arthur. That shield won’t last for much longer. It’s best if I go.”

 

“Merlin --!” Arthur tried to call him back, feeling desperate. He was certain he sounded desperate too and felt a bit of a fool for having this earnest desire to keep Merlin in the room.

 

Despite Arthur’s plea, Merlin left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

 

He hadn’t taken his knife back.

 

The prince did not like this turn of events at all, no matter how necessary they were. Having to avoid Merlin for the week was something he was not looking forward to whatsoever.

 

~ * ~

The next morning, Merlin saw his mother off.

 

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself, sweetheart,” she said softly, a concerned look in her eyes.

 

“I promise,” he told her sincerely. “Everything will work out, I’m sure of it. I just need to keep my distance from Arthur and it’ll all be okay.”

 

She made him look her in the eyes, lifting his chin up so he couldn’t look away. “Promise me that you’ll get your magic back. I know how much it is a part of you. I can see how much it’s hurting you to be separated from it. Please, Merlin--”

 

Merlin felt a sudden need to explain his actions -- his desperation to find a solution. “I had to do it, mum. I didn’t have control over my magic. I couldn’t risk being found out. I didn’t know what else to do…”

 

“I understand, but I’m sure there’s a more reasonable solution. Now after you know how it feels without magic, you should be more open to other options.”

 

Merlin sighed. He had made an impulsive choice without really giving Luna, the sorceress, enough time to lay out all the possible solutions to him.

 

He just saw his magic as the problem – his inability to keep it under control, from unleashing itself at inopportune times frightened him. And the only logical solution he had seen was to get rid of his magic somehow – temporarily, of course -- until he figured out how to control it once again. So with that in mind, he had sought out someone to assist him. And the sorceress had given him what he wanted even though it was possibly the worst thing he could have done to himself…

 

And the sole consolation he had was that Arthur had his magic for safekeeping. Merlin decided that if his magic had trusted Arthur enough to stay inside of him, then maybe what he had told Merlin was to be believed – that nothing will happen, nothing will change once Merlin had his magic back.

 

He could scarcely believe it to be true, but Merlin knew deep down that Arthur was speaking the truth. And if anything, he just had to have faith in Arthur.

 

Someday, Arthur would be a great king. And Merlin would be there to see it.

 

He would make sure of that.

 

~ * ~

 

After he had finished eating his lunch that first day without Merlin attending him, Arthur decided that he had had enough. His new manservant was insufferable. He just stood there and stared at him. He was infuriatingly competent and Arthur wasn’t positive why, but that annoyed him to no end.

 

Arthur pushed his chair away from the table. He cleared his throat and said, “You can go.”

 

“Yes, sire,” the servant – Thomas, Arthur vaguely recalled – said.

 

Thomas collected his plate and cup, placing them on the tray, and then with a bow of his head, he made his exit.

 

Arthur decided that he should go see Merlin. Nevermind the necessity for them to keep away from each other – he wouldn’t let something like that get in the way of what he wanted.

 

~ * ~

 

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted, not pleased at all upon finding him on his bed with some girl.

 

Merlin groaned. “You can’t just barge in here, Arthur--” At that moment, the girl decided to giggle, of all things. She was ruffling Merlin’s hair. Arthur glared in her direction, but she paid him no mind. Trying very hard not to roll his eyes, Merlin told him quite clearly that, “This is my room.”

 

Arthur waved his hand in a flippant manner. “I don’t care. Send her away. I need to talk to you in private.”

 

“Her name is Emily. And you can’t tell me what to do,” Merlin said stubbornly. He wouldn’t let whatever fit Arthur get in the way of what he had been doing.

 

Emily looked at the both of them, and wisely, she made a move to leave the room.

 

“I’m going to go--” she announced slowly.

 

Arthur blocked her way though. “Give it to me now.”

 

She sighed and handed over the key. Without another word, she rushed out of the room.

 

“Trust you to choose the servant girl who also happens to be a known key snatcher.”

 

Merlin shrugged. “I guess I missed that in the castle gossip.”

 

Arthur just let out a noise of derision before he tossed Merlin’s room key at him.

 

“You really shouldn’t be here. I’m a danger to you--” He reminded Arthur.

 

Even so, Arthur pulled up a chair by his bed. “What were you doing with that girl? That’s not like you,” he questioned.

 

He pretended not to notice Merlin scooting away from him on the bed. He had closed his eyes and was now sitting cross-legged on the bed.

 

After Merlin had not say a word, Arthur looked over at him and asked sharply, “What are you doing?”

 

Merlin opened one eye to briefly glance at Arthur. “I’m trying to meditate. Gaius said it should help if I’m near you. To stop me from attacking you…”

 

Arthur sighed and was about to take out the knife, but Merlin gave him a firm look. “No, don’t bother with the shield. You shouldn’t be here anyway.”

 

“For someone who could get the urge to attack me, you’re oddly calm about this.”

 

Merlin gave him a tired smile. “Maybe this meditation trick really does work.”

 

Arthur snorted, not quite believing that. “So, what made you decide to be with that servant girl?”

 

Merlin had a sudden urge to hit the prince hard, but he managed to suppress it. What business did he have questioning him like that? What Merlin did in his free time was none of his concern. And anyway, Merlin wasn’t his manservant at the moment. What did it matter really? It was a common thing for servants to do – taking a girl up to his room wasn’t anything scandalous. Especially if she was just a fellow servant, no matter her key snatching tendencies… Now, if she had been a noblewoman, then that –

 

Unbidden, Merlin had an image of Morgana come to mind, but luckily Arthur had hit him upside the head to regain his attention, so Merlin banished that errant train of thought gratefully.
 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I needed something to do to get my mind off having no magic. Like I told you. I figured that having sex would be the best way to go about it. Hard to think of anything else, you see, when you’re doing that…” Merlin trailed off when he saw that his answer was not appeasing Arthur in the slightest.

 

Arthur raised his eyebrows at him. “Well, you clearly didn’t get very far,” he remarked, looking over Merlin. His shirt was off, so he was naked from the waist up and his trousers hadn’t been taken off.

 

Merlin gave him a look. “I’m sure you know who’s at fault for that.”

 

Arthur did not appear to be apologetic whatsoever.

 

After a few moments of awkward silence, Merlin spoke up. “I think you should go. And just please, try – really try – to keep away from me until the week is up. I’m really not sure how I’ll be in a few days. It’s best not to tempt fate, you know?”

 

Arthur didn’t answer him immediately. Merlin was getting rather nervous at his sudden silence.

 

Then he let out a small sigh and he said, “I don’t like this.” The frustration was clear in his tone.

 

Merlin wanted to make him feel better somehow, but he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do. He was the one who had brought this on them. He could say with relative certainty that this was definitely not the way he had hoped Arthur would find out about his magic.

 

He reached out to Arthur, placing his hand on the blonde’s shoulder in an attempt to be reassuring.

~ * ~
 

Merlin’s eyes flashed golden for a moment and what came out of his mouth next were words he had little control over.

 

“It’s coming, Arthur,” his eyes locked on Arthur’s. “It’s coming!” He finished on a shout and collapsed back on to his bed.

 

“Merlin? Merlin!” Arthur said urgently.

 

Though he shook him, Merlin would not wake.

 

Arthur didn’t know what to do. After checking that Merlin was at least alive, Arthur left the room to seek Gaius’ help.

 

He couldn’t help but feel nervous about what Merlin had said. One thing was for certain, whatever Merlin believed was coming wasn’t good.

~ * ~
 

Part 4