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Merlin fic: Think of the Children (1/3)
Title: Think of the Children (1/3)
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur (pre-slash), Merlin/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen
Warnings: mentions of past non-con
Spoilers: No; occurs during Arthur’s reign as King.
Disclaimer: The show “Merlin” is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: Merlin returns to Camelot insisting that he is not under Morgana’s influence.
Author's Notes: I have about half of the final part written, but I'm deciding to post this now because I'd like some feedback on this so far. It's a sequel to the 500 word one-shot, Prisoner, though this fic occursfive six years later. I know how this will end...bit of a peculiar ending, but I blame Morgana. ;)
~ * ~
Arthur bit back a cry of surprise when someone rushed out in front of him, blocking the king from the creature, the present magical menace, from his pike.
A flash of light later, and the creature fell from the sky, dead.
“Hi Arthur,” The dark-haired man said in greeting, giving him a small smile.
Arthur stared at the man who he hadn’t seen nor heard from in six years now.
“Merlin?!” The blond uttered in shock.
Merlin nodded.
Arthur felt uneasy. Something was not right about this. After six years, Merlin was back…after who knows what Morgana did to him during that time? If he didn’t think that Merlin had some ulterior motive, some agenda devised by the sorceress, then Arthur knew he was a fool to not consider the thought.
He sent away his knights who had been flanking him, though the men exchanged nervous glances. They still remained in the courtyard, some distance away. Lancelot was among them and he didn’t know what to think about Merlin coming back. He wanted to give his old friend the benefit of the doubt, but it had been years since Morgana had captured him. The same unease that had gripped Arthur, settled within the knight as well. He hoped that Arthur would find out what the real truth of the matter was.
Arthur looked at him incredulously, gaze suspicious. “Why are you back now? After all these years? I can’t imagine Morgana would just let you leave.”
“Morgana did let me leave actually,” Merlin informed him.
The blond stared at him incredulously. Right, and his horse could fly.
“I wanted to return to Camelot, to return to serving you,” Merlin explained earnestly.
He tried to reach out to Arthur, stepping forward, but the blond, caution guiding him, moved away.
Arthur had employed a few sorcerers in the intervening years between Merlin’s absence and now. None of the sorcerers were as powerful as Merlin. Their expertise lay in more subtle, healing magic.
Merlin had been the Court Sorcerer, his chief advisor, for barely a year into Arthur’s kingship before Morgana snatched him away. Arthur hated to say it, but he grew to miss the security he felt for the sake of the kingdom knowing that Merlin would defend him, defend Camelot against any magical disturbances that came their way. After all, Merlin had been using his magic for the protection of the kingdom since he had first arrived at Camelot, before Arthur had even known of his true nature.
When Merlin had been captured, taken away, Arthur found that no one could replace the sorcerer, his friend and confidante. No one matched the power and knowledge that Merlin had. And only a few sorcerers had been willing to agree to serve the king of Camelot, to try to make up for what was lost.
Despite the lift on the magic ban, magic users were still uncertain about how to handle the new freedom they had been given. And because of that, not many sorcerers stepped forward to the king’s request to have magic users in his employ. The more powerful sorcerers, distrusting and cynical, did not answer the call. They disbelieved that King Arthur had been honest in allowing magic to flourish once again, that he wasn’t setting out to trick them and have them be executed. Only sorcerers who were weak in their magic took the chance to apply.
Merlin sighed as Arthur increased the distance between them.
Merlin spoke quietly, “I am willing to do whatever you wish if it would assure you of my loyalty.”
Arthur gave him a curt nod. “We will speak in private,” he decided.
Before the two of them went inside one of the smaller chambers to talk, Merlin was cuffed at the wrists – the action preventing him from using his magic.
Arthur was not going into this blind after all. He needed to know what had happened to Merlin in those years with Morgana. She had to have exerted some sort of control over him, manipulate him in some way. Otherwise, why hadn’t Merlin tried to break out sooner, return to Camelot much sooner than six bloody years later?
~ * ~
“What did Morgana do to you?” Arthur asked him once they were seated at the table.
Merlin thumbed one of the cuffs before answering. He was peering at it as if the cuff were something intriguing to look at.
Merlin looked him in the eye as he spoke, “I will not lie to you, Arthur. Morgana did cuff me so as to prevent me from using magic. And yes, as you probably thought, she did place a spell on me that allowed her to control me. To force me to do what she asked of me, no matter what it was,” He paused, a haunted look in his blue eyes. Arthur could see the truth in his eyes. There was no falsity in the way his eyes darkened and how his voice shook as he spoke.
Unless Merlin had become a remarkably good actor, but Arthur knew him well enough to not consider that a possibility. Whatever spell that Morgana had placed on him had been removed. The why is what Arthur so desperately wanted to find out. What motive did Morgana have to take the spell off of Merlin and allow him to leave her? She would have known that he would seek to return to Camelot and most likely plot against her.
Merlin regained his composure, and continued on, “One day, not long ago, Morgana released me from her spell and she allowed me to go. Just like that… She knew what I planned to do, of course. My loyalty has always been and will always be to you, Arthur, and to Camelot. And yet, knowing that, she told me that I could leave if I so wished.”
Arthur raised his eyebrow. “And that’s it?”
Merlin shook his head slowly. “Well, there’s one tiny detail… Morgana and I had children…a boy and girl. They’re twins. Five years old now. Their names are Ella and Stephen. She allowed me to leave, you understand, but she told me that if I did, that I would never see them again. I left.”
“You… left?” Arthur uttered.
He could not imagine the sacrifice that Merlin had made in favor of returning to Camelot. Arthur didn’t think he could do that to his own son James, now three years of age, and so the thought was incomprehensible. It was a horrible decision to make for anyone.
“Yes, I mean, yes it was a terrible decision to make and I hate that she forced this ultimatum on me, but I couldn’t abandon you, Arthur. I couldn’t,” he said fiercely, his blue eyes flashing under the intensity of his emotion.
Merlin gave a small nod and he pressed on, “I was never against having children, starting a family, but I was under her spell when the twins were conceived. I had little choice in the matter. Morgana wanted children and that’s what she got. I still care for my children, of course. I don’t blame them. It was never their fault. But now I worry about what will happen to them with Morgana raising them. I don’t know what I’ll do if they will grow up to hate Camelot. They are still young, Arthur. There is still hope for them. If there is a way to get them back…if you could help me, please, then it would mean the world to me,” he pleaded with the king.
“I will assist you in any way I can, Merlin,” Arthur agreed without hesitation, but he wondered, asking him, “But if her location is magically concealed, then I don’t know if my men and I have any chance of organizing a successful rescue mission. Could you not manage it yourself? Find a way to get them without Morgana knowing?”
Merlin bit his lip. Arthur sighed – of course it couldn’t be that simple. Merlin said with certainty, “Now that I have left, I’m certain Morgana has made sure to use her magic and resources to keep me from seeing her and my children again. What I could use is the resources here in Camelot, talk to other sorcerers and come up with a strategy.”
“I have a few sorcerers in my employ. Healers, mostly, but I think one or two have an extensive knowledge of magic. Hopefully they could help you.”
“Thank you, Arthur,” he told him sincerely, smiling gratefully at him.
Arthur nodded and then he took a proper look at the cuffs on Merlin. He hated that he had to do that to him, but it was the only way he could feel safe around him now. The things that Merlin could do with magic, especially to foes, did not bear thinking about. He wished he could just take Merlin’s word for it and stop the doubt from directing his actions. But truthfully, this was one leap of faith that Arthur was not willing to take. He knew what Morgana was capable of, the ways she manipulated others. He would not let her outwit him by playing to his close friendship with Merlin. The king could not afford it.
Arthur told him, “I want to remove those cuffs, but I still have my doubts. You say Morgana released you from the spell, but it has been six years, Merlin. You realize how much that puts your words into heavy doubt? I could see that you’re trying to be honest with me, but I’m not completely certain yet. Do you understand?”
Merlin sighed, a somber look on his face. “Yes, I understand perfectly. I said to you before that you may do anything you wish to reassure yourself of my loyalty. My offer still stands…”
“What do you propose then?”
“You could flog me, torture me…and if you see me taking the punishment willingly, then maybe you will be convinced of where my allegiances lie, Your Majesty,” he said submissively, peering down at the table in resignation.
“Merlin, you can’t be serious. I can’t do that to you… and how do I know that you won’t retaliate? That if I place you under unimaginable pain that that wouldn’t spur you to act against me, against Camelot, in a fit of vengeance? How do I know that this isn’t Morgana’s plan all along – to return you and have you try your hardest to convince me of your loyalties only for you to plot against the kingdom in secret?”
“I’m telling you the truth. I understand why you have your doubts, but believe me when I say I would do anything to prove that I am loyal to you. My mind is my own, and Morgana isn’t controlling me anymore. Have any one of your sorcerers check me over if you so desire. Just please believe me,” Merlin tried to persuade him, his eyes over bright.
Arthur wondered if Merlin was going to start crying. The blond closed his eyes briefly, trying to get a handle on the situation.
Merlin had saved him from that creature – could that have been an act to trick Arthur into believing that six years with Morgana had not changed him? Or should he just take it for what it was – Merlin doing what he had always done? That, truly, he was back to normal?
“Arthur?” Merlin asked in a near whisper.
The king sighed deeply and then he inclined his head. “I will have you carefully watched. Anything suspicious and we’re going to have a problem. But with those cuffs on you, the supervision should only be a formality.”
Merlin smiled at him, his eyes watery. “Thank you, Arthur. Thank you,” He said gratefully, relief flooding through him.
Arthur grasped his hand then and told him firmly, “And Merlin, don’t you ever dare ask me to have you flogged.” He had a fierce, almost dangerous glint in his eyes as he looked at Merlin.
So that Merlin could only nod, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the strength of feeling he saw in Arthur’s blue eyes.
~ * ~
Though the conclusion had been made that Merlin was not under any sort of spell or enchantment by the sorcerers at Camelot, he was still closely watched. Not all manipulations were magical in nature after all.
Merlin had been allowed back into his old room. It was the one that Arthur had given him upon his coronation in accordance with Merlin’s positions as High Court Sorcerer and chief advisor to the king. The room was big, not quite as big as Arthur’s chambers, surely, but spacious enough by Merlin’s standards. The bed he slept in was soft and comfortable; and Merlin felt it akin to Arthur’s own bed.
He had realized how much he had missed this room after the years with Morgana, which had passed by him in a haze. They had lived well enough in an abandoned castle, he supposed. He couldn’t quite recall what he had done in those years. Or maybe he just didn’t want to remember. What Merlin did remember was that he loved his children, no matter how they had come to be in this world. He hoped that they would never find out about the unpleasant circumstances of their conception. It hurt him to even contemplate their reactions to the fact of it.
Merlin had decided to stay with Morgana even as the control spell weakened every so often over the six years. He found it hard to leave his children, his own flesh and blood, and so he allowed Morgana to reinforce the spell without retaliation. Yes, he understood that Morgana had children with him near the start as a clear ploy of manipulation, but he could do nothing about it now. What is done is done. Maybe that meant he had given into her, allowing her to emotionally manipulate him with the twins; but Merlin did not care. When his children were involved, this game of manipulation simply did not matter anymore.
She never quite trusted him enough to think that holding the children over him would be enough to keep him with her. So the control spell was always reapplied. And the cuffs only came off when he was subjected to the spell – Morgana not taking any chances. But once six years had passed and the control spell had fallen apart once again, Merlin had a big fight with Morgana. He demanded that he leave, that enough was enough. That he couldn’t live with himself if he never returned to Camelot. He had to aid Arthur in being the great king he was destined to be. There was no question about it.
So Morgana had told him that he could leave if he wanted to, but that he would never see the twins again. With a heavy heart, Merlin made the terrible decision to leave knowing that he may never see his children, Ella or Stephen, ever again.
It was a difficult, almost impossible, price to pay, but Merlin had been willing to pay it for Arthur’s sake.
It always came back to Arthur, didn’t it?
~ * ~
Chapter 2
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur (pre-slash), Merlin/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen
Warnings: mentions of past non-con
Spoilers: No; occurs during Arthur’s reign as King.
Disclaimer: The show “Merlin” is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: Merlin returns to Camelot insisting that he is not under Morgana’s influence.
Author's Notes: I have about half of the final part written, but I'm deciding to post this now because I'd like some feedback on this so far. It's a sequel to the 500 word one-shot, Prisoner, though this fic occurs
~ * ~
Arthur bit back a cry of surprise when someone rushed out in front of him, blocking the king from the creature, the present magical menace, from his pike.
A flash of light later, and the creature fell from the sky, dead.
“Hi Arthur,” The dark-haired man said in greeting, giving him a small smile.
Arthur stared at the man who he hadn’t seen nor heard from in six years now.
“Merlin?!” The blond uttered in shock.
Merlin nodded.
Arthur felt uneasy. Something was not right about this. After six years, Merlin was back…after who knows what Morgana did to him during that time? If he didn’t think that Merlin had some ulterior motive, some agenda devised by the sorceress, then Arthur knew he was a fool to not consider the thought.
He sent away his knights who had been flanking him, though the men exchanged nervous glances. They still remained in the courtyard, some distance away. Lancelot was among them and he didn’t know what to think about Merlin coming back. He wanted to give his old friend the benefit of the doubt, but it had been years since Morgana had captured him. The same unease that had gripped Arthur, settled within the knight as well. He hoped that Arthur would find out what the real truth of the matter was.
Arthur looked at him incredulously, gaze suspicious. “Why are you back now? After all these years? I can’t imagine Morgana would just let you leave.”
“Morgana did let me leave actually,” Merlin informed him.
The blond stared at him incredulously. Right, and his horse could fly.
“I wanted to return to Camelot, to return to serving you,” Merlin explained earnestly.
He tried to reach out to Arthur, stepping forward, but the blond, caution guiding him, moved away.
Arthur had employed a few sorcerers in the intervening years between Merlin’s absence and now. None of the sorcerers were as powerful as Merlin. Their expertise lay in more subtle, healing magic.
Merlin had been the Court Sorcerer, his chief advisor, for barely a year into Arthur’s kingship before Morgana snatched him away. Arthur hated to say it, but he grew to miss the security he felt for the sake of the kingdom knowing that Merlin would defend him, defend Camelot against any magical disturbances that came their way. After all, Merlin had been using his magic for the protection of the kingdom since he had first arrived at Camelot, before Arthur had even known of his true nature.
When Merlin had been captured, taken away, Arthur found that no one could replace the sorcerer, his friend and confidante. No one matched the power and knowledge that Merlin had. And only a few sorcerers had been willing to agree to serve the king of Camelot, to try to make up for what was lost.
Despite the lift on the magic ban, magic users were still uncertain about how to handle the new freedom they had been given. And because of that, not many sorcerers stepped forward to the king’s request to have magic users in his employ. The more powerful sorcerers, distrusting and cynical, did not answer the call. They disbelieved that King Arthur had been honest in allowing magic to flourish once again, that he wasn’t setting out to trick them and have them be executed. Only sorcerers who were weak in their magic took the chance to apply.
Merlin sighed as Arthur increased the distance between them.
Merlin spoke quietly, “I am willing to do whatever you wish if it would assure you of my loyalty.”
Arthur gave him a curt nod. “We will speak in private,” he decided.
Before the two of them went inside one of the smaller chambers to talk, Merlin was cuffed at the wrists – the action preventing him from using his magic.
Arthur was not going into this blind after all. He needed to know what had happened to Merlin in those years with Morgana. She had to have exerted some sort of control over him, manipulate him in some way. Otherwise, why hadn’t Merlin tried to break out sooner, return to Camelot much sooner than six bloody years later?
~ * ~
“What did Morgana do to you?” Arthur asked him once they were seated at the table.
Merlin thumbed one of the cuffs before answering. He was peering at it as if the cuff were something intriguing to look at.
Merlin looked him in the eye as he spoke, “I will not lie to you, Arthur. Morgana did cuff me so as to prevent me from using magic. And yes, as you probably thought, she did place a spell on me that allowed her to control me. To force me to do what she asked of me, no matter what it was,” He paused, a haunted look in his blue eyes. Arthur could see the truth in his eyes. There was no falsity in the way his eyes darkened and how his voice shook as he spoke.
Unless Merlin had become a remarkably good actor, but Arthur knew him well enough to not consider that a possibility. Whatever spell that Morgana had placed on him had been removed. The why is what Arthur so desperately wanted to find out. What motive did Morgana have to take the spell off of Merlin and allow him to leave her? She would have known that he would seek to return to Camelot and most likely plot against her.
Merlin regained his composure, and continued on, “One day, not long ago, Morgana released me from her spell and she allowed me to go. Just like that… She knew what I planned to do, of course. My loyalty has always been and will always be to you, Arthur, and to Camelot. And yet, knowing that, she told me that I could leave if I so wished.”
Arthur raised his eyebrow. “And that’s it?”
Merlin shook his head slowly. “Well, there’s one tiny detail… Morgana and I had children…a boy and girl. They’re twins. Five years old now. Their names are Ella and Stephen. She allowed me to leave, you understand, but she told me that if I did, that I would never see them again. I left.”
“You… left?” Arthur uttered.
He could not imagine the sacrifice that Merlin had made in favor of returning to Camelot. Arthur didn’t think he could do that to his own son James, now three years of age, and so the thought was incomprehensible. It was a horrible decision to make for anyone.
“Yes, I mean, yes it was a terrible decision to make and I hate that she forced this ultimatum on me, but I couldn’t abandon you, Arthur. I couldn’t,” he said fiercely, his blue eyes flashing under the intensity of his emotion.
Merlin gave a small nod and he pressed on, “I was never against having children, starting a family, but I was under her spell when the twins were conceived. I had little choice in the matter. Morgana wanted children and that’s what she got. I still care for my children, of course. I don’t blame them. It was never their fault. But now I worry about what will happen to them with Morgana raising them. I don’t know what I’ll do if they will grow up to hate Camelot. They are still young, Arthur. There is still hope for them. If there is a way to get them back…if you could help me, please, then it would mean the world to me,” he pleaded with the king.
“I will assist you in any way I can, Merlin,” Arthur agreed without hesitation, but he wondered, asking him, “But if her location is magically concealed, then I don’t know if my men and I have any chance of organizing a successful rescue mission. Could you not manage it yourself? Find a way to get them without Morgana knowing?”
Merlin bit his lip. Arthur sighed – of course it couldn’t be that simple. Merlin said with certainty, “Now that I have left, I’m certain Morgana has made sure to use her magic and resources to keep me from seeing her and my children again. What I could use is the resources here in Camelot, talk to other sorcerers and come up with a strategy.”
“I have a few sorcerers in my employ. Healers, mostly, but I think one or two have an extensive knowledge of magic. Hopefully they could help you.”
“Thank you, Arthur,” he told him sincerely, smiling gratefully at him.
Arthur nodded and then he took a proper look at the cuffs on Merlin. He hated that he had to do that to him, but it was the only way he could feel safe around him now. The things that Merlin could do with magic, especially to foes, did not bear thinking about. He wished he could just take Merlin’s word for it and stop the doubt from directing his actions. But truthfully, this was one leap of faith that Arthur was not willing to take. He knew what Morgana was capable of, the ways she manipulated others. He would not let her outwit him by playing to his close friendship with Merlin. The king could not afford it.
Arthur told him, “I want to remove those cuffs, but I still have my doubts. You say Morgana released you from the spell, but it has been six years, Merlin. You realize how much that puts your words into heavy doubt? I could see that you’re trying to be honest with me, but I’m not completely certain yet. Do you understand?”
Merlin sighed, a somber look on his face. “Yes, I understand perfectly. I said to you before that you may do anything you wish to reassure yourself of my loyalty. My offer still stands…”
“What do you propose then?”
“You could flog me, torture me…and if you see me taking the punishment willingly, then maybe you will be convinced of where my allegiances lie, Your Majesty,” he said submissively, peering down at the table in resignation.
“Merlin, you can’t be serious. I can’t do that to you… and how do I know that you won’t retaliate? That if I place you under unimaginable pain that that wouldn’t spur you to act against me, against Camelot, in a fit of vengeance? How do I know that this isn’t Morgana’s plan all along – to return you and have you try your hardest to convince me of your loyalties only for you to plot against the kingdom in secret?”
“I’m telling you the truth. I understand why you have your doubts, but believe me when I say I would do anything to prove that I am loyal to you. My mind is my own, and Morgana isn’t controlling me anymore. Have any one of your sorcerers check me over if you so desire. Just please believe me,” Merlin tried to persuade him, his eyes over bright.
Arthur wondered if Merlin was going to start crying. The blond closed his eyes briefly, trying to get a handle on the situation.
Merlin had saved him from that creature – could that have been an act to trick Arthur into believing that six years with Morgana had not changed him? Or should he just take it for what it was – Merlin doing what he had always done? That, truly, he was back to normal?
“Arthur?” Merlin asked in a near whisper.
The king sighed deeply and then he inclined his head. “I will have you carefully watched. Anything suspicious and we’re going to have a problem. But with those cuffs on you, the supervision should only be a formality.”
Merlin smiled at him, his eyes watery. “Thank you, Arthur. Thank you,” He said gratefully, relief flooding through him.
Arthur grasped his hand then and told him firmly, “And Merlin, don’t you ever dare ask me to have you flogged.” He had a fierce, almost dangerous glint in his eyes as he looked at Merlin.
So that Merlin could only nod, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the strength of feeling he saw in Arthur’s blue eyes.
~ * ~
Though the conclusion had been made that Merlin was not under any sort of spell or enchantment by the sorcerers at Camelot, he was still closely watched. Not all manipulations were magical in nature after all.
Merlin had been allowed back into his old room. It was the one that Arthur had given him upon his coronation in accordance with Merlin’s positions as High Court Sorcerer and chief advisor to the king. The room was big, not quite as big as Arthur’s chambers, surely, but spacious enough by Merlin’s standards. The bed he slept in was soft and comfortable; and Merlin felt it akin to Arthur’s own bed.
He had realized how much he had missed this room after the years with Morgana, which had passed by him in a haze. They had lived well enough in an abandoned castle, he supposed. He couldn’t quite recall what he had done in those years. Or maybe he just didn’t want to remember. What Merlin did remember was that he loved his children, no matter how they had come to be in this world. He hoped that they would never find out about the unpleasant circumstances of their conception. It hurt him to even contemplate their reactions to the fact of it.
Merlin had decided to stay with Morgana even as the control spell weakened every so often over the six years. He found it hard to leave his children, his own flesh and blood, and so he allowed Morgana to reinforce the spell without retaliation. Yes, he understood that Morgana had children with him near the start as a clear ploy of manipulation, but he could do nothing about it now. What is done is done. Maybe that meant he had given into her, allowing her to emotionally manipulate him with the twins; but Merlin did not care. When his children were involved, this game of manipulation simply did not matter anymore.
She never quite trusted him enough to think that holding the children over him would be enough to keep him with her. So the control spell was always reapplied. And the cuffs only came off when he was subjected to the spell – Morgana not taking any chances. But once six years had passed and the control spell had fallen apart once again, Merlin had a big fight with Morgana. He demanded that he leave, that enough was enough. That he couldn’t live with himself if he never returned to Camelot. He had to aid Arthur in being the great king he was destined to be. There was no question about it.
So Morgana had told him that he could leave if he wanted to, but that he would never see the twins again. With a heavy heart, Merlin made the terrible decision to leave knowing that he may never see his children, Ella or Stephen, ever again.
It was a difficult, almost impossible, price to pay, but Merlin had been willing to pay it for Arthur’s sake.
It always came back to Arthur, didn’t it?
~ * ~
Chapter 2
no subject
- HK
no subject
Thanks for pointing out the typo - I fixed it.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. :)