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Merlin fic: A New Life (1/1)
Title: A New Life (1/1)
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): character death (temporary), swearing
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Merlin, Gwaine, Lancelot, Gwen, Morgana
Word Count: 3,477
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC.
Spoilers: Takes place early in Arthur’s reign, somewhat takes into account aired episodes (Gwaine! :p), but the mentions are vague and Arthur/Gwen is notably absent (so AU-ish)
Summary: Arthur loses Merlin to a fatal curse. Fortunately, a twist of fate returns Merlin to him in an unexpected way.
Author’s Note: I think I got a bit carried away with the fluff. IDEK. Seems a bit ironic considering the character death warning...erm, but magic makes anything possible, so yeah...;)
~ * ~
Arthur had thought that lifting the ban on magic as one of his first acts as King would settle the matter. That there would be no more sorceresses aiming to enchant him or infiltrate Camelot. And with Merlin by his side as his trusted Court Sorcerer, negotiations with magic users would go smoothly and magic would flourish across all of Albion.
Well, there was the ever present threat of Morgana, Morgause and Mordred; but all reports had come back saying they were lying low. Because of the quiet from that lot, Arthur couldn’t help but feel hopeful for the advent of a golden age for his kingdom and his people.
Since Arthur had been crowned king months ago, he felt confident that Merlin and him could defeat any foe. A rather overly pretentious stance, but Arthur strongly believed in it after the calming assurances that Merlin had given him.
But unfortunately, Arthur learned that the threat of enemy magic was still very real. Arthur had been out in the forest on his own to get some alone time with only the soothing sounds of the forest in the background. Back in the castle, there was always the chance of someone needing to speak to him. He could never quite get the same peace as out here amongst the trees. Merlin had been busy attending to something, and he regretfully declined the invitation to come along.
A small woman in a hooded robe appeared suddenly before him. And Arthur immediately knew he was dealing with a witch, but before he could try to dissuade her from using magic against him, she didn’t give him the chance.
Did she even know that Arthur wasn’t like his father? That he had lifted the ban on magic?
In a croaky voice from obvious disuse, the woman cursed him – saying that the one who Arthur cared for the most would die at that very moment.
And then the witch vanished just as suddenly as she had appeared.
Arthur only uttered Merlin’s name, desperately hoping that the witch had only wanted to unnerve him. That she hadn’t really placed a curse on him.
That when he returned to Camelot, Merlin would be alive and well.
Arthur raced back to Camelot on his horse, but it was too late.
Gwen was frantic, saying that she had seen Merlin fall down the steps inexplicably. There had been no time. Nothing anyone could have done.
Arthur could only stare in grim horror at Merlin’s broken body at the bottom of the stairs. His neck had been broken upon impact and his arms and legs were bent in a grotesque way. Arthur hoped that Merlin had felt no pain in his last moments.
“What caused this, Arthur? What do we do?” Gwen asked of him.
She was tearful, as much in disbelief at losing Merlin as Arthur was.
“We give him a proper funeral,” Arthur said quietly and pointedly avoided answering her first question.
“I should send for Merlin’s mother,” Gwen decided.
Arthur nodded. “Thank you, Guinevere.”
Gwen gave him a sad, pitying look. Understanding Arthur’s need to be alone with Merlin’s body, she respectfully left. Arthur was grateful for her understanding.
He knelt down beside Merlin and kissed Merlin softly on the lips. One tear fell down Arthur’s cheek and he swiped it away.
He sighed wearily, and he whispered to Merlin as if he were still alive and could answer him, “When I said, ‘no man is worth your tears’, I was wrong, Merlin. I admit it. I was wrong. Just please. Come back to me. I need you, Merlin. It’s too soon, far too soon.”
~ * ~
Of all the knights, Lancelot and Gwaine were the most affected by Merlin’s demise. Lancelot who knew of Merlin’s magic longer than Arthur had and for recognizing Merlin’s bravery when Arthur was too blind to see it…and Gwaine who Arthur was sometimes envious of because he had been a better friend to Merlin than Arthur had managed to be. But Merlin had told Arthur that it would always be Arthur for him.
Now Arthur wished that he had treated him better before learning just how Merlin had been saving him from day one. If he had known that his time with Merlin would end when it barely had begun, then Arthur would have acted differently. He would have.
But it was too late now.
Merlin had told him about Freya and the lake that he had chosen as her final resting place.
Arthur decided that Merlin would like to rest here eternally as well. The area surrounding the lake and the lake itself was peaceful and there was magic in the air, Arthur could feel it.
Arthur had Merlin placed in a specially crafted boat with the Pendragon emblem on each side. Merlin’s body was set on fire and the boat was pushed out into the lake. Arthur, Gwen, a distraught Hunith, and all the knights were present to say their final farewell to Merlin.
~ * ~
One month later:
Gwaine and Lancelot were on patrol a day’s ride away from Camelot when Morgana approached them. She looked harried and like a ghost was after her.
As she neared them, the knights noticed that she had something wrapped in green cloth.
“Take this. Please. Just take it,” Morgana nearly pleaded with them. She shoved the cloth-wrapped item into Lancelot’s hands. “I can’t even look at that anymore,” she confessed, breathing out in relief at not having to touch the mystery package anymore.
Gwaine and Lancelot exchanged puzzled glances with one another. Lancelot unwrapped the cloth to see what was hidden inside.
It was a bright blue egg with tiny golden stars decorating the egg.
The pair looked at Morgana questioningly.
“It’s a phoenix egg,” Morgana began, though she didn’t quite sound like she believed it. “I had a dream and a man whose identity was unknown to me told me that I should insure this egg be given to Arthur. When I woke up, I found the phoenix egg beside me. The man told me that Arthur should place the egg upon a fire outside so that it will hatch. He has to place the egg on a strong fire with his swordhand. The man was adamant that a sacrifice had to be made, that Arthur’s hand had to burn. That is the sacrifice necessary to have the phoenix egg hatch. For the phoenix to be born.”
“There is no way Arthur is doing that based on your words, Morgana,” Gwaine said fiercely. “You are an enemy of Camelot after all. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a part to play in Merlin’s death.”
Morgana smirked. “Oh believe me; I would love to admit to having a hand in killing Merlin. But unfortunately, I had nothing to do with it. It’s up to you two and Arthur to decide what to do with the phoenix egg. The man said that Arthur would be grateful for having it. Maybe a little pet bird will be a nice replacement for losing his pet sorcerer,” she suggested with a wicked smile.
Lancelot surprised Gwaine when he swore, “Fuck you, Morgana. Why didn’t you just destroy the phoenix egg? What do you get out of delivering the egg to us?”
Morgana shrugged nonchalantly, “The man assured me that he would give me a long life if I make sure Arthur receives that bloody egg. He sounded particularly convincing. I thought it would be easy at first to get the egg to you. I hadn’t expected the wretched thing to be possessed. I’ve been feeling dreadful ever since I’ve been stuck with it. Good riddance to that phoenix egg. You can have it,” she told them.
Then she disappeared in a windstorm of magic. Clearly she had been quite ready to be as far away from the egg as possible.
Lancelot and Gwaine were blown off their feet from the windstorm Morgana had created.
Lancelot was quick to cover the egg with the protective cloth to prevent it from cracking prematurely.
“We should take the phoenix egg to Arthur. See what he says. The egg looks rather--”
“Pretty, right?” Lancelot finished, peering at the blue egg with its golden stars. He hadn’t even known phoenixes existed, but he was impressed at the unique look of a phoenix egg.
“It would be a shame to throw the egg away,” Gwaine declared what Lancelot was thinking. “If this really is a phoenix egg, then it would be wrong to deny the phoenix a chance at life.”
“But if Arthur has to injure his swordhand, is it worth it?” Lancelot wondered.
They looked at each other. In the end, it was up to Arthur to decide. A hand could always heal after all, but how many chances would they get to see a real live phoenix?
~ * ~
Arthur wasn’t too happy about having to burn his hand as a part of the process to hatch the phoenix egg. But when he cradled the egg in his hands, he swore he saw a vision of a giggling baby with raven-black hair and unforgettable blue eyes.
The baby had to be Merlin. Arthur didn’t doubt that. What if Morgana had been right? What if Arthur would be grateful for this phoenix? If, in fact, the bird was somehow Merlin.
Had the gods decided to give Merlin a second chance at life? It felt like Arthur’s prayers had been answered. But the last thing he had expected was for Merlin to be reborn as a magical bird.
Arthur thought it was far better than never seeing Merlin again for the rest of his life. He wildly hoped that the phoenix would be able to recognize Arthur, to communicate with him in some way.
Yet Arthur thought that was simply wishful thinking. True, long ago accounts claimed that phoenixes possessed magical talents, but to speak to a human? Arthur didn’t believe he’d be that lucky.
So he set out into the forest at dawn one day. He found a good clearing to lay the egg over a fire. It took some time to get a steady fire going, and Arthur wished that Merlin were still alive because he would have been able to conjure a strong fire in moments.
Arthur saw the egg moving on its own on the ground as if something inside was rearing to escape the confines of the egg.
“It won’t be long, Merlin…” Arthur assured the egg, feeling a bit ridiculous. Then he added as an afterthought. “I don’t really know if you’re truly Merlin reborn, but I’m going to name you Merlin. So I hope you’re okay with the name.”
In his mind’s eye, Arthur saw a vision of the same baby again. This time, the baby seemed to be staring right at him – an odd thoughtful gaze on his face. And then the child blinked with the vision ending soon after. He wondered if these visions of Merlin as a baby were meant to unnerve him because Arthur had to admit that they were succeeding.
Hoping that the phoenix being born would mean an end to the inexplicable visions, Arthur proceeded to place the egg into the fire with his sword hand. He grit his teeth to stop himself from crying out in pain due to the flames licking at his hand.
Once the phoenix egg was placed, Arthur quickly removed his burnt hand. He let out a sigh of relief that his hand wasn’t too damaged, but it would certainly take a while for his right hand to fully heal.
He hissed as he poured some alcohol on his burnt hand to disinfect the wounds. He wrapped his hand in a clean cloth afterwards.
With great interest, Arthur watched the phoenix egg amidst the fire. He wondered what the phoenix would look like.
The egg cracked and a grey feathery little phoenix emerged from it. The fire didn’t appear to hurt the small bird as dark ashes from the fire fell on to the phoenix like snow fell on the ground. The bird had a long, slender neck and his body looked soft to the touch. The phoenix’s eyes were blue, and Arthur thought they looked remarkably similar to Merlin’s eyes.
The phoenix opened his beak and made a squawking sound as if asking for food. The fire died down by its own design it appeared as Arthur looked on. Or maybe the phoenix had caused the fire to go out?
Arthur certainly didn’t rule that out.
The phoenix flew low on the ground, a little haphazardly as the creature was too young yet to use his wings properly.
Once the phoenix was before Arthur, he tilted his little head at Arthur and gave him an expectant look.
Arthur grabbed his pack that he had filled with worms. He took out a few worms and fed them one by one to the phoenix.
The phoenix seemed to like them and he even snuck into Arthur’s pack to retrieve more of the worms. Apparently the phoenix was impatient to wait for Arthur.
Gently, Arthur grabbed a hold of the little bird – who was just about the size of his palm – and took him out of his pack.
“I think you’ve had enough to eat, Merlin,” Arthur admonished the phoenix lightly.
The phoenix looked up at him with pleading puppy-dog eyes.
“Incorrigible as always,” Arthur said wryly. “Can you understand me? Are you really Merlin?” He asked him hopefully.
The little phoenix peered up at Arthur and he was nearly convinced that the phoenix had said, “I love you,” to him in a childlike voice.
Arthur decided that he should give the phoenix more time. Maybe once the phoenix grew older, the bird would be able to tell him that he was Merlin and that he recognized Arthur?
Arthur hoped so.
He put the phoenix up on his shoulder so that he would perch there. Fortunately, the phoenix appeared content with being on Arthur’s shoulder, though he hopped about. At one point, the magical creature settled on Arthur’s head and started singing a melody.
He hadn’t been aware that phoenixes were songbirds, and he hoped Merlin wouldn’t be doing that at odd hours in the night.
What Arthur did know was that phoenixes were usually scarlet-gold in colour. He assumed that would be true for Merlin as well, once he matured a bit. Or he could defy expectations as Merlin had as a human – being discovered as the most powerful sorcerer while at first seeming rather unremarkable and ordinary.
~ * ~
Gwen had cooed over the little phoenix. She had assured Arthur that she would help to look after the phoenix while Arthur was occupied with his kingly duties. Although like Merlin had as a human, Merlin the phoenix enjoyed watching Arthur train with his knights and prospective knights.
Though Merlin was far too much of a distraction when Arthur held audiences or led council meetings. Arthur couldn’t resist chuckling by the silly things that the phoenix would do like rolling about the table or hopping on his papers. Sometimes he looked at Arthur expectantly, which usually meant he was hungry or he would rub his feathery head against Arthur’s fingers when he just wanted Arthur’s sole attention.
He was extremely grateful for Gwen’s help as Arthur was sure he would never get any work done when all he wanted to do was spend time with his phoenix whenever the bird was in sight. At least when Gwen removed Merlin the phoenix from his sight, Arthur could concentrate a little better.
Though that didn’t stop Arthur from thinking about Merlin. From musing about when the phoenix would remember his past life as a human, as Merlin…
Fortunately, the phoenix enjoyed his time with Gwen, so Arthur didn’t feel as guilty for leaving him with her. He wasn’t too surprised since after all, Merlin and Gwen had always been good friends. Gwen had confided in him how Merlin enjoyed flying high among the treetops and he liked to sing pleasant melodies while she worked.
In a few months’ time, Merlin had grown considerably until his head reached Arthur’s knees.
His plumage wasn’t the scarlet-gold that Arthur had anticipated, but instead it was a startling shining silver. His wings had a touch of dark blue color mixed in with the silver feathers.
Arthur was impressed. He had never seen a more handsome bird. He had never seen a real phoenix before, so he of course had no true comparison, but even he had, Merlin would still have been the best of all of them. Arthur had no doubt about that.
Arthur’s right hand had healed for the most part from the burns after placing the phoenix egg on the fire. He didn’t mind the difficulty this had given him in using his sword. After all, the ordeal had given him Merlin back – in some form at least. Arthur had to accept that fate worked in strange ways and unfortunately, it wasn’t as easy as getting Merlin back as a human.
To contend with the burn injury, he had focused his efforts on sword fighting with his left hand, so that he could fight just as well -- if not better – as he did with his right hand. It would be a useful skill to possess, he knew.
~ * ~
Arthur woke up in the middle of the night because he felt Merlin perched on his chest.
He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, wondering why Merlin was seeking his attention so adamantly now.
“Merlin? What is it?” Arthur whispered to him.
Merlin hopped off his chest and went to Arthur’s right hand, which sported red scars that remained after the skin had mostly healed thanks to the salve.
Arthur watched as the phoenix shed one tear upon his injured hand. The hand healed almost instantly and as Arthur flexed his fingers, he didn’t even feel any soreness either. It was like the hand had never been burned by fire.
“You have healing tears, then?” Arthur spoke out loud.
Arthur was understandably shocked to hear someone answer clearly in his head. The phoenix hadn’t spoken to him since the bird had told him he loved Arthur. And even then, Arthur thought he had imagined it as the phoenix had just been born. It had seemed inconceivable that he would be able to speak so soon after birth.
“Are you feeling better?” The phoenix – if Arthur wasn’t going mad – asked him.
“Merlin, is that you? You’re the phoenix, right? Do you remember me? Your past?”
“Yes, I remember. I’ve missed you, Arthur,” Merlin told him plaintively. “I’m sorry for leaving you, but I’m back now.”
“No, it’s not your fault. Someone had cursed me…there was nothing I could do and by the time I returned to Camelot, it was too late. This witch said that she would kill the one who I care about the most. I had no chance to stop it. If I could have, I would have given my life for yours. You didn’t deserve this.”
“Don’t talk like that. After all the time I spend trying to keep you alive, you can’t even think of giving your life away like it’s nothing. You’re important to me. And I’m all right with being a phoenix. I don’t see it as a punishment and you shouldn’t either. I can still protect you…my magic’s a bit hard to get to, but I just need more time to get settled. It’s not been a year yet.”
Arthur wanted to mention the fact that they couldn’t do the other things they used to do like sex, but after the pain of losing Merlin; just being blessed with having Merlin back should be enough. Other people never got to see their loved ones alive again when they passed on. Arthur knew how deeply lucky he was.
“I miss that part too,” Merlin said to him as if he had heard Arthur’s thoughts. “But still, being able to fly in this form, I never knew what I was missing out on. When there is something lost, there is always something gained too. And I promise you, I won’t leave you again, Arthur. I won’t allow it,” Merlin declared so defiantly that Arthur believed him.
And so that night, Arthur fell back asleep with a lighter, happier heart. On a big wooden box, Merlin slumbered in his nest. Arthur had made the nest for him months ago to keep the phoenix close in his bedchambers.
“I love you, Merlin,” Arthur murmured before sleep truly claimed him.
“I love you too,” Merlin replied silently in return.
The silver-white stars twinkled merrily in the black sky and one couldn’t ask for a more peaceful night.
~ * ~
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): character death (temporary), swearing
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Merlin, Gwaine, Lancelot, Gwen, Morgana
Word Count: 3,477
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC.
Spoilers: Takes place early in Arthur’s reign, somewhat takes into account aired episodes (Gwaine! :p), but the mentions are vague and Arthur/Gwen is notably absent (so AU-ish)
Summary: Arthur loses Merlin to a fatal curse. Fortunately, a twist of fate returns Merlin to him in an unexpected way.
Author’s Note: I think I got a bit carried away with the fluff. IDEK. Seems a bit ironic considering the character death warning...erm, but magic makes anything possible, so yeah...;)
~ * ~
Arthur had thought that lifting the ban on magic as one of his first acts as King would settle the matter. That there would be no more sorceresses aiming to enchant him or infiltrate Camelot. And with Merlin by his side as his trusted Court Sorcerer, negotiations with magic users would go smoothly and magic would flourish across all of Albion.
Well, there was the ever present threat of Morgana, Morgause and Mordred; but all reports had come back saying they were lying low. Because of the quiet from that lot, Arthur couldn’t help but feel hopeful for the advent of a golden age for his kingdom and his people.
Since Arthur had been crowned king months ago, he felt confident that Merlin and him could defeat any foe. A rather overly pretentious stance, but Arthur strongly believed in it after the calming assurances that Merlin had given him.
But unfortunately, Arthur learned that the threat of enemy magic was still very real. Arthur had been out in the forest on his own to get some alone time with only the soothing sounds of the forest in the background. Back in the castle, there was always the chance of someone needing to speak to him. He could never quite get the same peace as out here amongst the trees. Merlin had been busy attending to something, and he regretfully declined the invitation to come along.
A small woman in a hooded robe appeared suddenly before him. And Arthur immediately knew he was dealing with a witch, but before he could try to dissuade her from using magic against him, she didn’t give him the chance.
Did she even know that Arthur wasn’t like his father? That he had lifted the ban on magic?
In a croaky voice from obvious disuse, the woman cursed him – saying that the one who Arthur cared for the most would die at that very moment.
And then the witch vanished just as suddenly as she had appeared.
Arthur only uttered Merlin’s name, desperately hoping that the witch had only wanted to unnerve him. That she hadn’t really placed a curse on him.
That when he returned to Camelot, Merlin would be alive and well.
Arthur raced back to Camelot on his horse, but it was too late.
Gwen was frantic, saying that she had seen Merlin fall down the steps inexplicably. There had been no time. Nothing anyone could have done.
Arthur could only stare in grim horror at Merlin’s broken body at the bottom of the stairs. His neck had been broken upon impact and his arms and legs were bent in a grotesque way. Arthur hoped that Merlin had felt no pain in his last moments.
“What caused this, Arthur? What do we do?” Gwen asked of him.
She was tearful, as much in disbelief at losing Merlin as Arthur was.
“We give him a proper funeral,” Arthur said quietly and pointedly avoided answering her first question.
“I should send for Merlin’s mother,” Gwen decided.
Arthur nodded. “Thank you, Guinevere.”
Gwen gave him a sad, pitying look. Understanding Arthur’s need to be alone with Merlin’s body, she respectfully left. Arthur was grateful for her understanding.
He knelt down beside Merlin and kissed Merlin softly on the lips. One tear fell down Arthur’s cheek and he swiped it away.
He sighed wearily, and he whispered to Merlin as if he were still alive and could answer him, “When I said, ‘no man is worth your tears’, I was wrong, Merlin. I admit it. I was wrong. Just please. Come back to me. I need you, Merlin. It’s too soon, far too soon.”
~ * ~
Of all the knights, Lancelot and Gwaine were the most affected by Merlin’s demise. Lancelot who knew of Merlin’s magic longer than Arthur had and for recognizing Merlin’s bravery when Arthur was too blind to see it…and Gwaine who Arthur was sometimes envious of because he had been a better friend to Merlin than Arthur had managed to be. But Merlin had told Arthur that it would always be Arthur for him.
Now Arthur wished that he had treated him better before learning just how Merlin had been saving him from day one. If he had known that his time with Merlin would end when it barely had begun, then Arthur would have acted differently. He would have.
But it was too late now.
Merlin had told him about Freya and the lake that he had chosen as her final resting place.
Arthur decided that Merlin would like to rest here eternally as well. The area surrounding the lake and the lake itself was peaceful and there was magic in the air, Arthur could feel it.
Arthur had Merlin placed in a specially crafted boat with the Pendragon emblem on each side. Merlin’s body was set on fire and the boat was pushed out into the lake. Arthur, Gwen, a distraught Hunith, and all the knights were present to say their final farewell to Merlin.
~ * ~
One month later:
Gwaine and Lancelot were on patrol a day’s ride away from Camelot when Morgana approached them. She looked harried and like a ghost was after her.
As she neared them, the knights noticed that she had something wrapped in green cloth.
“Take this. Please. Just take it,” Morgana nearly pleaded with them. She shoved the cloth-wrapped item into Lancelot’s hands. “I can’t even look at that anymore,” she confessed, breathing out in relief at not having to touch the mystery package anymore.
Gwaine and Lancelot exchanged puzzled glances with one another. Lancelot unwrapped the cloth to see what was hidden inside.
It was a bright blue egg with tiny golden stars decorating the egg.
The pair looked at Morgana questioningly.
“It’s a phoenix egg,” Morgana began, though she didn’t quite sound like she believed it. “I had a dream and a man whose identity was unknown to me told me that I should insure this egg be given to Arthur. When I woke up, I found the phoenix egg beside me. The man told me that Arthur should place the egg upon a fire outside so that it will hatch. He has to place the egg on a strong fire with his swordhand. The man was adamant that a sacrifice had to be made, that Arthur’s hand had to burn. That is the sacrifice necessary to have the phoenix egg hatch. For the phoenix to be born.”
“There is no way Arthur is doing that based on your words, Morgana,” Gwaine said fiercely. “You are an enemy of Camelot after all. And I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a part to play in Merlin’s death.”
Morgana smirked. “Oh believe me; I would love to admit to having a hand in killing Merlin. But unfortunately, I had nothing to do with it. It’s up to you two and Arthur to decide what to do with the phoenix egg. The man said that Arthur would be grateful for having it. Maybe a little pet bird will be a nice replacement for losing his pet sorcerer,” she suggested with a wicked smile.
Lancelot surprised Gwaine when he swore, “Fuck you, Morgana. Why didn’t you just destroy the phoenix egg? What do you get out of delivering the egg to us?”
Morgana shrugged nonchalantly, “The man assured me that he would give me a long life if I make sure Arthur receives that bloody egg. He sounded particularly convincing. I thought it would be easy at first to get the egg to you. I hadn’t expected the wretched thing to be possessed. I’ve been feeling dreadful ever since I’ve been stuck with it. Good riddance to that phoenix egg. You can have it,” she told them.
Then she disappeared in a windstorm of magic. Clearly she had been quite ready to be as far away from the egg as possible.
Lancelot and Gwaine were blown off their feet from the windstorm Morgana had created.
Lancelot was quick to cover the egg with the protective cloth to prevent it from cracking prematurely.
“We should take the phoenix egg to Arthur. See what he says. The egg looks rather--”
“Pretty, right?” Lancelot finished, peering at the blue egg with its golden stars. He hadn’t even known phoenixes existed, but he was impressed at the unique look of a phoenix egg.
“It would be a shame to throw the egg away,” Gwaine declared what Lancelot was thinking. “If this really is a phoenix egg, then it would be wrong to deny the phoenix a chance at life.”
“But if Arthur has to injure his swordhand, is it worth it?” Lancelot wondered.
They looked at each other. In the end, it was up to Arthur to decide. A hand could always heal after all, but how many chances would they get to see a real live phoenix?
~ * ~
Arthur wasn’t too happy about having to burn his hand as a part of the process to hatch the phoenix egg. But when he cradled the egg in his hands, he swore he saw a vision of a giggling baby with raven-black hair and unforgettable blue eyes.
The baby had to be Merlin. Arthur didn’t doubt that. What if Morgana had been right? What if Arthur would be grateful for this phoenix? If, in fact, the bird was somehow Merlin.
Had the gods decided to give Merlin a second chance at life? It felt like Arthur’s prayers had been answered. But the last thing he had expected was for Merlin to be reborn as a magical bird.
Arthur thought it was far better than never seeing Merlin again for the rest of his life. He wildly hoped that the phoenix would be able to recognize Arthur, to communicate with him in some way.
Yet Arthur thought that was simply wishful thinking. True, long ago accounts claimed that phoenixes possessed magical talents, but to speak to a human? Arthur didn’t believe he’d be that lucky.
So he set out into the forest at dawn one day. He found a good clearing to lay the egg over a fire. It took some time to get a steady fire going, and Arthur wished that Merlin were still alive because he would have been able to conjure a strong fire in moments.
Arthur saw the egg moving on its own on the ground as if something inside was rearing to escape the confines of the egg.
“It won’t be long, Merlin…” Arthur assured the egg, feeling a bit ridiculous. Then he added as an afterthought. “I don’t really know if you’re truly Merlin reborn, but I’m going to name you Merlin. So I hope you’re okay with the name.”
In his mind’s eye, Arthur saw a vision of the same baby again. This time, the baby seemed to be staring right at him – an odd thoughtful gaze on his face. And then the child blinked with the vision ending soon after. He wondered if these visions of Merlin as a baby were meant to unnerve him because Arthur had to admit that they were succeeding.
Hoping that the phoenix being born would mean an end to the inexplicable visions, Arthur proceeded to place the egg into the fire with his sword hand. He grit his teeth to stop himself from crying out in pain due to the flames licking at his hand.
Once the phoenix egg was placed, Arthur quickly removed his burnt hand. He let out a sigh of relief that his hand wasn’t too damaged, but it would certainly take a while for his right hand to fully heal.
He hissed as he poured some alcohol on his burnt hand to disinfect the wounds. He wrapped his hand in a clean cloth afterwards.
With great interest, Arthur watched the phoenix egg amidst the fire. He wondered what the phoenix would look like.
The egg cracked and a grey feathery little phoenix emerged from it. The fire didn’t appear to hurt the small bird as dark ashes from the fire fell on to the phoenix like snow fell on the ground. The bird had a long, slender neck and his body looked soft to the touch. The phoenix’s eyes were blue, and Arthur thought they looked remarkably similar to Merlin’s eyes.
The phoenix opened his beak and made a squawking sound as if asking for food. The fire died down by its own design it appeared as Arthur looked on. Or maybe the phoenix had caused the fire to go out?
Arthur certainly didn’t rule that out.
The phoenix flew low on the ground, a little haphazardly as the creature was too young yet to use his wings properly.
Once the phoenix was before Arthur, he tilted his little head at Arthur and gave him an expectant look.
Arthur grabbed his pack that he had filled with worms. He took out a few worms and fed them one by one to the phoenix.
The phoenix seemed to like them and he even snuck into Arthur’s pack to retrieve more of the worms. Apparently the phoenix was impatient to wait for Arthur.
Gently, Arthur grabbed a hold of the little bird – who was just about the size of his palm – and took him out of his pack.
“I think you’ve had enough to eat, Merlin,” Arthur admonished the phoenix lightly.
The phoenix looked up at him with pleading puppy-dog eyes.
“Incorrigible as always,” Arthur said wryly. “Can you understand me? Are you really Merlin?” He asked him hopefully.
The little phoenix peered up at Arthur and he was nearly convinced that the phoenix had said, “I love you,” to him in a childlike voice.
Arthur decided that he should give the phoenix more time. Maybe once the phoenix grew older, the bird would be able to tell him that he was Merlin and that he recognized Arthur?
Arthur hoped so.
He put the phoenix up on his shoulder so that he would perch there. Fortunately, the phoenix appeared content with being on Arthur’s shoulder, though he hopped about. At one point, the magical creature settled on Arthur’s head and started singing a melody.
He hadn’t been aware that phoenixes were songbirds, and he hoped Merlin wouldn’t be doing that at odd hours in the night.
What Arthur did know was that phoenixes were usually scarlet-gold in colour. He assumed that would be true for Merlin as well, once he matured a bit. Or he could defy expectations as Merlin had as a human – being discovered as the most powerful sorcerer while at first seeming rather unremarkable and ordinary.
~ * ~
Gwen had cooed over the little phoenix. She had assured Arthur that she would help to look after the phoenix while Arthur was occupied with his kingly duties. Although like Merlin had as a human, Merlin the phoenix enjoyed watching Arthur train with his knights and prospective knights.
Though Merlin was far too much of a distraction when Arthur held audiences or led council meetings. Arthur couldn’t resist chuckling by the silly things that the phoenix would do like rolling about the table or hopping on his papers. Sometimes he looked at Arthur expectantly, which usually meant he was hungry or he would rub his feathery head against Arthur’s fingers when he just wanted Arthur’s sole attention.
He was extremely grateful for Gwen’s help as Arthur was sure he would never get any work done when all he wanted to do was spend time with his phoenix whenever the bird was in sight. At least when Gwen removed Merlin the phoenix from his sight, Arthur could concentrate a little better.
Though that didn’t stop Arthur from thinking about Merlin. From musing about when the phoenix would remember his past life as a human, as Merlin…
Fortunately, the phoenix enjoyed his time with Gwen, so Arthur didn’t feel as guilty for leaving him with her. He wasn’t too surprised since after all, Merlin and Gwen had always been good friends. Gwen had confided in him how Merlin enjoyed flying high among the treetops and he liked to sing pleasant melodies while she worked.
In a few months’ time, Merlin had grown considerably until his head reached Arthur’s knees.
His plumage wasn’t the scarlet-gold that Arthur had anticipated, but instead it was a startling shining silver. His wings had a touch of dark blue color mixed in with the silver feathers.
Arthur was impressed. He had never seen a more handsome bird. He had never seen a real phoenix before, so he of course had no true comparison, but even he had, Merlin would still have been the best of all of them. Arthur had no doubt about that.
Arthur’s right hand had healed for the most part from the burns after placing the phoenix egg on the fire. He didn’t mind the difficulty this had given him in using his sword. After all, the ordeal had given him Merlin back – in some form at least. Arthur had to accept that fate worked in strange ways and unfortunately, it wasn’t as easy as getting Merlin back as a human.
To contend with the burn injury, he had focused his efforts on sword fighting with his left hand, so that he could fight just as well -- if not better – as he did with his right hand. It would be a useful skill to possess, he knew.
~ * ~
Arthur woke up in the middle of the night because he felt Merlin perched on his chest.
He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, wondering why Merlin was seeking his attention so adamantly now.
“Merlin? What is it?” Arthur whispered to him.
Merlin hopped off his chest and went to Arthur’s right hand, which sported red scars that remained after the skin had mostly healed thanks to the salve.
Arthur watched as the phoenix shed one tear upon his injured hand. The hand healed almost instantly and as Arthur flexed his fingers, he didn’t even feel any soreness either. It was like the hand had never been burned by fire.
“You have healing tears, then?” Arthur spoke out loud.
Arthur was understandably shocked to hear someone answer clearly in his head. The phoenix hadn’t spoken to him since the bird had told him he loved Arthur. And even then, Arthur thought he had imagined it as the phoenix had just been born. It had seemed inconceivable that he would be able to speak so soon after birth.
“Are you feeling better?” The phoenix – if Arthur wasn’t going mad – asked him.
“Merlin, is that you? You’re the phoenix, right? Do you remember me? Your past?”
“Yes, I remember. I’ve missed you, Arthur,” Merlin told him plaintively. “I’m sorry for leaving you, but I’m back now.”
“No, it’s not your fault. Someone had cursed me…there was nothing I could do and by the time I returned to Camelot, it was too late. This witch said that she would kill the one who I care about the most. I had no chance to stop it. If I could have, I would have given my life for yours. You didn’t deserve this.”
“Don’t talk like that. After all the time I spend trying to keep you alive, you can’t even think of giving your life away like it’s nothing. You’re important to me. And I’m all right with being a phoenix. I don’t see it as a punishment and you shouldn’t either. I can still protect you…my magic’s a bit hard to get to, but I just need more time to get settled. It’s not been a year yet.”
Arthur wanted to mention the fact that they couldn’t do the other things they used to do like sex, but after the pain of losing Merlin; just being blessed with having Merlin back should be enough. Other people never got to see their loved ones alive again when they passed on. Arthur knew how deeply lucky he was.
“I miss that part too,” Merlin said to him as if he had heard Arthur’s thoughts. “But still, being able to fly in this form, I never knew what I was missing out on. When there is something lost, there is always something gained too. And I promise you, I won’t leave you again, Arthur. I won’t allow it,” Merlin declared so defiantly that Arthur believed him.
And so that night, Arthur fell back asleep with a lighter, happier heart. On a big wooden box, Merlin slumbered in his nest. Arthur had made the nest for him months ago to keep the phoenix close in his bedchambers.
“I love you, Merlin,” Arthur murmured before sleep truly claimed him.
“I love you too,” Merlin replied silently in return.
The silver-white stars twinkled merrily in the black sky and one couldn’t ask for a more peaceful night.
~ * ~
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Nothing like a little fluff before bed!
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Though I kept thinking about that darn interview where Colin said that Merlin would probably be a phoenix.
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Now that you mention that interview, I guess you could say I wrote this in honor of that interview. I couldn't resist. :p And anyway, the fic-writing bit of my mind is still stuck on my daemon fic wherein Merlin's daemon is a phoenix...so I decided to go for it and write a fic where Merlin actually is a phoenix.
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You're welcome - thank you for reading! :)
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HK
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