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Merlin fic: Nothing Has Changed (5/?)
Author: dk323
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Merlin/Morgana (one-sided, take it however you want)
Spoilers: Merlin ~ Tag to season 1 finale, “Le Morte D'Arthur”
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: Fearing losing control of his magic, Merlin gives his magic up. But then Arthur gets involved…
Part 5: “If I were enchanted, I would be aware of it.”
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7a | Part 7b | Part 8a
~ * ~
Arthur found Merlin in front of the entrance to Morgana’s chambers. He was with Gwen. Before Arthur could be noticed, he easily hid in a nearby alcove. He could see the pair from a few feet away.
“Oh, I’m sure Morgana will be back soon. She just had to step out briefly,” Gwen told Merlin confidently. She smiled at him.
Merlin bit his lip. He appeared somewhat agitated. “Well, I don’t know if I can afford to wait. Arthur probably needs me. I’m sure he expects me to polish some buttons.” He made a face.
Gwen chuckled. “You better hurry then,” she said reasonably.
She did little to hold back her laughter when Merlin whispered something into her ear.
Arthur stayed off an errant thread of jealousy that threatened to come upon him. He was never jealous. Absolutely not. What was it to him if Merlin had close relationships with other people? It’s not like the center of Merlin’s existence was Arthur. Of course not… He refused to think on it further.
After saying their goodbyes, Merlin and Gwen parted ways.
Once Gwen, who was still shaking her head in amusement, was out of sight heading in the opposite direction, Arthur saw Morgana coming toward Merlin.
As soon as she reached him, she said, “Merlin – I apologize for not being here.”
Arthur saw Merlin’s jaw tighten. He looked uncomfortable.
“You said you needed to see me?” Merlin asked her, almost like it was painful for him.
“Yes, do come in.”
“Look, Morgana, about last night--”
Morgana shook her head and grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside of her room. “Not here.”
And Morgana checked the corridors before she slipped inside of her chambers too, closing the door shut behind her.
Arthur had gained the information he had come looking for. It was abundantly clear that Morgana had done something to Merlin.
What it was, he could only guess, but he was certain it wasn’t anything good. Merlin looked like an unwilling participant.
And Arthur wouldn’t allow that to continue.
~ * ~
Arthur heard the door creak open signaling Merlin’s entrance.
“Ah, Merlin. I need to talk to you,” Arthur spoke from his place at his desk.
Merlin did not look up as he set his lunch on the table. He then headed over to tidy up the bed. Through all this, there wasn’t any sort of gesture of acknowledgement toward Arthur.
“Merlin – did you hear me?” Arthur said, raising his voice.
Merlin sighed and he threw down a pillow. He turned to Arthur. “What is it?” He said in a resigned tone.
“It’s about this morning – how you were acting. If you’re still nervous around me…”
“Sorry about that. I don’t know what had come over me.”
“So, are you all right now?”
Merlin nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he just shifted his gaze and took the sheets in his hands. Distractedly, he started twisting the sheets around and around until his arms were tangled up in them.
Arthur cleared his throat. “Merlin!” Arthur said, trying to garner his attention. It was obvious something was on Merlin’s mind.
“Huh? What?” Merlin looked to Arthur, confused.
“You said earlier at breakfast that Morgana needed to see you. Why would she need to do that?”
Merlin gave Arthur an odd look. “She, well, she knows about me… She just wanted to talk, you know, about my thing. So she could understand it better.”
Arthur raised his eyebrow. “Really? Morgana knows about you too? You realize, at this rate, it won’t be much of a secret anymore.”
Merlin only stared down at the tangled mess of sheets and focused on untangling them from his arms.
“Merlin?”
Still, Merlin didn’t give an answer. Arthur observed as he packed the sheet into a tight ball and then proceeded to toss it from one hand to another.
Merlin finally directed his attention at Arthur. “Do you really have my magic?” He asked, sounding as if he couldn’t believe that Arthur, of all people, would be keeping his magic.
This was Camelot after all where a total ban on magic was firmly in place. Oh, the great fit that the king would have if he discovered that his own son carried treacherous magic within his very blood!
Merlin couldn’t fathom it. It was all just too suspicious… and what if Morgana had been right? On the danger lurking when Arthur was free of Merlin’s magic?
What then?
“Yes, I do,” Arthur said. “The strange thing is that you don’t remember. It’s like you’ve suffered some unusual memory loss. Morgana talked to you last night, didn’t she?”
Merlin looked at him curiously. He said in a firm voice, almost demanding. “I want to know for certain that you do have my magic. I don’t think I can take your word for it.”
Arthur just resisted the urge to growl in frustration at Merlin’s clear avoidance of his inquiry.
As it were, Arthur forged ahead, ignoring Merlin’s request. “Merlin, did Morgana do something to you?”
Merlin shook his head quickly. “No, she didn’t. What could she do to me?”
“If you’re trying to protect her or anything…”
“I’m not!” Merlin exclaimed, a little too suddenly. And that definitely raised Arthur’s suspicions. “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this…but, it’s not like she – she didn’t!”
“Merlin, did Morgana place an enchantment on you? Some sort of spell to alter your memory?”
“No! That doesn’t work on me. She didn’t do anything, all right? Now, like I said, I want to see that you have my magic…”
“Enchantments don’t work on you?”
Merlin shook his head. “Well,” He started. He spread his fingers out before him, wiggling them. He frowned slightly when nothing happened and put his hand back at his side. “I suppose any enchantment forced on me unwillingly wouldn’t work. If I were enchanted, I would be aware of it.”
“So if you were enchanted, which I’m sure you now are, then there is a part of you that would have wanted it? You, of your own free will, allowed this to happen? To let it affect you?”
Merlin gave him a tight look. He went over to him and looked Arthur straight in the eyes, hands planted firmly on the table top. “All you need to know, Arthur, is that I’m feeling better. I don’t have the desire to attack you to get my magic back. Why are you questioning this?”
“How do you know about having the urge to attack me? You couldn’t even remember that I had your magic this morning!”
Merlin shrugged. He kept silent.
“I saw you and Morgana – I saw her letting you into her room.”
“Morgana filled me in on the details,” Merlin admitted reluctantly. He sat down in a chair across from Arthur. “I’m surprised you’re not more grateful than you are. We don’t have to stay away from each other. I feel fine…and yet, you’re still unhappy…”
Arthur gave him a careful look and then he sighed. “All right. I will get my dagger and then you can see that I have your magic.”
“Thank you,” Merlin said. He looked pleased that finally things were going his way. He dragged his chair over to the bigger table where Arthur’s lunch was probably growing cold.
He could feel Merlin’s eyes watching him as he took out said dagger from his bedside cupboard.
Taking his seat at the table, Arthur, somewhat uncertainly, handed over the dagger to Merlin.
“Go ahead,” he directed.
Merlin licked his lips and at first simply stared down at Arthur’s arm. The sleeve of Arthur’s shirt had been rolled up so that only bare skin lay as a barrier to the blood flowing underneath.
“Small cut should do it, I think. Unless, you would like me to make the cut instead?” Arthur prompted when the tense silence was becoming too much for him.
What had Merlin so hesitant to just get on with it already?
Merlin shook his head quickly. “No, no – I can do it.”
And then to prove it, he moved the sharp edge of the dagger gently across Arthur’s skin. Almost as if he was afraid to go deeper.
Upon seeing the blood that had appeared, Merlin peered up at Arthur. To Arthur’s puzzlement, Merlin was blushing. “Can I – uh, lick it?” Merlin asked him hesitantly.
“Why would you want to do that?”
Merlin’s face was now a beet-red. “By licking it, I can access more blood…and I’ll be absolutely sure that my magic is mixed with your blood.”
“Just do whatever you think is best,” Arthur allowed him.
He just wanted Merlin to get the proof he needed, weird requests aside. He idly wondered what other parts of him Merlin would do well to get a good lick at. But, no, this was not the time. Arthur shrugged the thought off for now.
Merlin flicked his tongue lightly - as if it were a whisper of a kiss - over the cut. Arthur couldn’t help the hiss that escaped him at the odd sensation of his warm, wet tongue upon his skin.
Then it was over. What Arthur hadn’t been expecting was Merlin’s wide-eyed look.
“Merlin? What is it?”
“You have my magic,” Merlin said, as if saying it out loud was necessary to assure the verity of this discovery. “And there’s something else. Something has wormed its way into your blood, into my magic--”
“Just spit it out. What are you trying to tell me?” Arthur pressed, impatient.
Merlin looked confused. “I don’t understand. I’m not sure what it was. It was a memory, but no, it couldn’t be a memory because I don’t remember it happening... I saw it – flashes of people and of sounds. A loud sound and…light? All this light and I was staring right at it and then someone shouted. The person was shouting a warning. I – I think I saw you. I don’t understand – I’m not sure how to explain it. He just sort of looked like you, but he was wearing strange clothing… And then--” He stopped abruptly. He looked like he couldn't continue.
“Merlin, what else did you see?” Arthur inquired, not hiding the urgency of his request.
Merlin covered his face in his hands. Arthur saw his hands trembling when he set them back down on the table.
Merlin took a deep breath and he pressed on, though his voice was shaky. “This person—who looked like you – he was so happy. He was laughing like he hadn’t a care in the world; like he had everything he could ever want--”
Arthur looked at him thoughtfully. “Why do you think you saw all this?”
“I don’t know,” Merlin told him honestly. “I just saw it. I don’t know why I did.”
Then his expression darkened suddenly. “There was the rain, too. It was coming down hard in sheets. It wouldn’t stop. It wouldn’t stop.” Merlin stared wild-eyed at some point beyond him. He could see it now. The rain beating down upon them, the relentless drumbeat…
Arthur latched on to the word, “coming.” He remembered the words Merlin had spoken in warning –“It’s coming, Arthur,” and then “It’s coming!” the previous day.
“Merlin, yesterday, in your room, you said something was coming. That could be connected to what you saw just now. Maybe it’s the rain…”
Merlin shook his head. “No, that can’t be. Having it rain isn’t exactly an odd occurrence. What exactly did I tell you yesterday? I don’t remember--”
“It didn’t make much sense – you just said, “It’s coming, Arthur,” and then you repeated, “It’s coming!” in a more urgent tone. It sounded like a warning. But I don’t know what it was meant to warn against.”
Merlin stood up then. “All I know for now is that I need to get my magic back. Maybe my magic is playing tricks on me. On us… It could be growing tired of being away from me and it’s creating these strange visions…”
“Something must have happened yesterday to you, Merlin. I don’t understand why you’re not attacking me when you could barely restrain yourself that first night.”
“Is there anything you need me to do, Arthur?” Merlin asked -- changing the subject so abruptly that Arthur was taken by surprise.
“Merlin – if there is something you don’t wish to tell me...”
“What is it then? Polish your armour, sharpen your sword...?”
“Merlin,” Arthur stressed. Why was Merlin suddenly refusing to answer him properly?
“I can take care of myself,” Merlin spoke then. “I know you might not like it, but there are some things that it’s for the best that you don’t know.”
“At least assure me that if you find yourself in trouble that you will tell me. Let me help you,” Arthur asked of him, earnestly. He wanted Merlin to know that he wasn’t alone in this.
Merlin sighed and gave a slight nod. “I will try.”
Arthur decided to leave it at that. He gave Merlin a list of chores he needed him to do and Merlin left the room with just a short, “All right, Arthur.”
He tried not to think about his strong feeling that Merlin would see Morgana again today. Arthur could not deny that it hurt that Merlin was not willing to tell him the whole, uncensored truth of what was going on.
But he felt certain on one matter – those strange visions that Merlin saw, those words of warning he had spoken – there was more to them. There simply had to be. Arthur always felt he had good instincts and now they were telling him that these occurrences could not and should not be disregarded.
~ * ~
Merlin gave a long sigh as he leaned his head back against the bark of a tree. He was with Morgana in the woods near Camelot. Merlin had decided that it would be better to study his magic book here, away from the castle. If they did find the spell they were looking for, then they could practice it without fear that anyone could see them and report back to Uther.
The relative tranquility of their surroundings was perfect. Trees bordered them on all sides and the clearing itself was quiet, untouched, it seemed.
“I can’t find an alternative spell, Morgana,” Merlin said to her. She was sitting beside him, peeking over at the page he was reading every once in a while. But most of the time, she attempted to do magic. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t coming as easy to her as Merlin thought it should have. Maybe she was better at doing enchantments of the sort she had placed on him. He reassured her that she would get the hang of it with some practice. In the meantime, he corrected her pronunciations of spoken incantations as patiently as he could.
Frustrated at not finding anything, Merlin shut the book set across his lap.
“I’m sure it’s in there… You’re the one who was so adamant about it. Is being with me so terrible?” Morgana asked, sounding a little hurt.
“You know the risk. I’m thankful, as you well know, for what you have given me. Well, except for the promise, but you know how I feel about that,” Merlin gave her a pointed look. Oh, Morgana knew quite clearly how he felt about coercing the promise of leaving Camelot from him. “But it’s dangerous to do that – if we were found out. You know the consequences.”
“Yes, I understand perfectly,” Morgana nodded. She touched his hand. “I do like it, you know. When I’m with you…”
“Morgana,” Merlin interrupted her sharply. “Please, not now.”
Morgana gave him a knowing look. “Of course, I know how you feel about Arthur.”
“You told me not to trust him. I’m not sure I can even trust you right now.”
“I am not sorry at all for the promise. I was only trying to protect you!”
“From what, Morgana?” He demanded. “Did you see something?”
Before Morgana could answer, the book opened suddenly of its own accord. The pages turned as if an invisible hand were turning them. The two of them stared as the pages stopped turning and the book was left open at some point near the end of the text.
With trepidation, Merlin looked at the page it had stopped at. And then he just stared at it in disbelief. He really did not like the feeling of foreshadowing that overcame him when he read the contents of the page.
“Merlin?” Morgana asked, after looking down at the page. She didn’t understand Merlin’s numb reaction to what he had read.
He looked to her and he asked quietly, “Do you think such a thing is possible, Morgana?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. The idea sounds absurd to me. I’m sure magic can make almost anything possible – you probably know that better than me. I’ve only just started trying to understand magic.”
His voice shook. “I don’t like this. Someone’s trying to tell me something…I don’t know what, but it can’t be good. And then there’s what I saw earlier…”
“What did you see?”
“It didn’t make much sense. It probably wasn’t anything.”
“I can help you figure it out if you just let me help you.”
“I already told Arthur, which was bad enough. I’m sure he’s ruminating over it right now even though it’s not worth it. I don’t want to think about it, best not to.”
Morgana nodded, appearing to be understanding for the moment. But Merlin had a feeling that she wouldn’t let this go.
“How are you feeling?” She asked. Morgana moved closer to him and peered at him in concern.
“Drained,” He only said, not looking at her.
“Then you should let me help you,” she repeated her previous words, but Merlin knew that what she meant this time was a marked difference from before.
Merlin nodded and let her take over.
He didn’t know if he could ever admit to her that he liked it too.
But then there was Arthur…
It was different with him. The power of it left him speechless…how he could care for someone so deeply. No matter what Morgana had told him. The worry she had nurtured within him – that Arthur would betray him the moment he had rid himself of Merlin’s magic.
Merlin knew that couldn’t be true. He wouldn’t allow it to be true. Arthur wouldn’t do that.
Would he?
But then, Morgana drove all thought from his mind with what she was doing with her hands…
~ * ~
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Merlin will get his magic back - unfortunately, that won't be the end of it.
Thanks for reading. :) I appreciate it.
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Ahahahah! Oh Arthur, don't be jealous. After all, as Merlin said: "I’m sure he expects me to polish some buttons.”
AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. *cough*...Sorry.
Merlin flicked his tongue lightly - as if it were a whisper of a kiss - over the cut. Arthur couldn’t help the hiss that escaped him at the odd sensation of his warm, wet tongue upon his skin.
...Why is that so hot? I blame you, and also Ten with his random licking-things fetish.
Merlin makes my heart ache here with his mixed feelings and confusion. :( I'm coming down on the side of Merlin/Arthur (not that Merlin/Morgaga isn't hot lika blazin' fi-yah...) I really liked the idea of Merlin seeing that terrible vision...the future? Where Arthur is wildly happy?? Please make it so!
Or, you know, threesome. If you're feeling indecisive.