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Merlin fic: Everything you left behind
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Morgana, hints of Arthur/Gwen, Lancelot/Gwen
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: The show Merlin is property of the BBC. No money being made.
Summary: Merlin discovers what caused him to lose his mind. Morgana has a plan. And Arthur? He has had better days.
Author’s Note: This is a sequel to Don't say goodbye. It would be best if you read that first. For those interested in what caused Merlin’s mental illness, this sequel will have the answer. And I guess I can't write sad endings... so this came out instead. I might dabble in this universe again, we'll see...
It ended up being longer than fifteen minutes, but neither of them cared too much to notice.
~ * ~
“You should stay,” Arthur entreated to him, his breath tickling the side of Merlin’s neck.
Merlin pulled back with a sigh. Arthur, following his lead, moved off of him and sat down properly beside him on the porch seat.
Arthur looked at him for a long moment before he spoke again, resigned. “You’re afraid it might happen again. Better to discover the cause of the illness than to live in fear of it happening again.”
Merlin nodded. “Believe me, if I could, I would take you with me. But you know the toll of time travel on you. The last time, god, Arthur – I thought you would never wake up. Even for me, it’s tiring, but it has to be done. I can feel it, Arthur. It’s something that can travel through time easily. I think it has latched on to me somehow.” He rubbed his forehead tiredly.
The autumn wind swept a breeze past them. A few feet away, a young apple tree swayed a bit from the force of the wind. An apple fell to the ground.
Not sure what else to do, Arthur looked up intently at the sky, imagining that a passing cloud was a knight charging on his steed. He remembered a time long ago when reincarnation was still a novelty for them –-something exciting, a thrill enveloping them as they felt invulnerable, strong--and Merlin had conjured a miniature model of the solar system before their very eyes. The planets had seemed so real -- the stars twinkling merrily, shooting comets blazing at a brilliant speed. It had been breathtaking.
“So what do you think it is?” Arthur finally spoke when Merlin did not break the silence.
Merlin shrugged, seeming uncertain for a moment. “Something magical, surely. A pest that is slow in its assault,” He paused and did not look at Arthur.
Instead, he looked out past the porch, past the walkway, past this time. A thought nagged him, a trickle, a memory – and he saw Camelot.
For that was where it had begun. ----
“Merlin, you’ve been working too hard. We both missed you at dinner,” Gwen told him, a smile on her lips.
At her voice, Merlin looked up. He smiled. “I had a breakthrough, my Queen, I couldn’t let it wait.”
Gwen shook her head, her smile widening. She looked content, happy. Merlin was glad for it. It was not a week ago that her troubling sickness had broken, leaving her weak and exhausted, but otherwise alive, which was all that mattered in the end.
She came up beside him, looking with interest at what was on the table. Different herbs and bottled potions lay scattered about the wooden table. A bright ball of light bobbed up and down in midair seemingly of its own accord.
“You know how I hate those titles,” she reminded him. “The last person I expect it from is you. Arthur doesn’t think you’re taking care of yourself properly. I agree with him.”
Merlin looked sideways at her and he grinned. “Ah, so the prat has sent you in his stead. I was wondering when he would give up.”
Gwen laughed. “You two are such fools. I don’t know what to do with you two. He cares for you a great deal, you do realize. I do too.”
Merlin nodded. “You’re a good friend, Gwen.” His words meant more and they both knew it. For the agreement amongst the three of them was of one that not many could accept. Not even the best of friends. It was just too much to ask.
Gwen sighed. She placed her hand on top of his. “I’m all right with it, Merlin. I know where his heart truly lies. I accepted this because I love you both, so you needn’t feel so guilty about it. I know you. I could see it in your eyes still.”
He looked to her and smiled briefly. He squeezed her hand and upon letting go, he spoke, “I think I’ve figured out how to master reincarnation.”
“Really? Oh, Merlin! That’s wonderful!” Gwen exclaimed.
Merlin grinned and let her embrace him in her excitement.
Still caught up in Gwen’s hug, Merlin noticed something strange appear suddenly in front of him. It looked like dark smoke – before his eyes, the shapeless smoke turned into a wild-eyed face and the face was looking right at Merlin.
And then it grinned at him. The grin was not one of happiness, but of evil, of dread, of dark intentions.
He could not bear to look at it any longer. He turned his head away from it.
Gwen pulled away from him just then. She brushed the front of his robes, placing her hands on his chest.
She looked up at him. “I have good news to tell you. Couldn’t come at a better time, could it? I know how hard you worked to figure out reincarnation.”
But before she could reveal her good news, someone else had come into Merlin’s workroom.
“I see Guinevere hasn’t had much success getting you out of here, Merlin.”
“Good to see you too, Arthur,” Merlin shot back. He grinned at him.
Arthur neared them, putting himself in between them. He smacked Merlin at the back of the head – what Merlin had come to expect as his usual form of displaying affection toward him. “Work yourself to death, why don’t you?” He muttered. Merlin just looked at him, a smile tugging on his lips.
Then, “What are you up to?” Arthur asked, looking to the table.
Merlin spared a glance to see if the distorted smoke-face was still there, but it was gone. Vanished.
And so, he tried to put it out of his mind and explained to Arthur, not keeping the note of pride out of his voice, about what he had accomplished.
Later on, Arthur told them that Morgana had come to visit them. Gwen’s eyes lit up and in her joy, she threw herself at Arthur, wrapping her hands around his neck and kissing him on the lips.
“It feels like it’s been so long!” Gwen said.
Arthur nodded at her, smiling. “You go on ahead. Morgana was asking for you.”
She smiled at Merlin and then swept out of the room.
Merlin looked on bemused as Arthur stood there in front of him, a question on his lips.
“How much time do we have before they notice we’re gone?” Merlin asked lightly.
Arthur smirked and took hold of his arm, pulling Merlin toward him, flush against his body. “Time enough. We should celebrate your find. To reincarnation!”
Merlin smiled as Arthur kissed him, his hands anchored in the dark locks of Merlin’s hair. He got caught up in the thrill of the moment, kissing Arthur back just as fiercely, just as much in a rush. In a hot, hurried heat. Merlin walked clumsily backwards as Arthur took charge and backed him up against a nearby wall.
So distracted he was, that Merlin barely heard the cold, mirthless laugh of something unseen.
Just barely.
But he had heard it.
~ * ~
“Merlin? Merlin!” Arthur called to him.
“What?” Merlin grumbled, feeling like he was still caught between the past and the present.
“You looked like you were spaced out,” Arthur supplied. And then he asked, “So, you were saying you believe it’s some sort of magical pest? Slow in its assault – whatever that means?”
Merlin nodded. But before he could share any more of his suspicions, Arthur’s mobile rang.
Arthur reached to take out his mobile from his pocket. He looked at the caller ID. “It’s Morgana,” he told Merlin before he took the call.
A few minutes later, Arthur disconnected the call.
“What did she want?” Merlin asked.
“She wants to see me and you too. Apparently she knows you’ve come back.”
Merlin shrugged. “I figured as much. And I don’t think it’s just her Seer abilities. That frightens me a bit, actually.”
Arthur let out an honest laugh at the uneasy look on Merlin’s face.
“Come on, it’s getting chilly,” Arthur prompted as he stood up. Merlin followed suit.
And Arthur put his arm around his shoulders and directing his movement toward the door.
Merlin felt resigned to his fate. There was no doubting the strength of Arthur’s conviction to get what he wished. Frankly, Merlin did not mind much at all in this case because he desperately wanted to stay too. All the same, he knew that this time was different.
“You’re going to find a way to keep me here, aren’t you?” Merlin questioned.
Arthur opened the door. “You’re making it sound like I’m imprisoning you. Really, Merlin,” He gave him a look that said, “Don’t be an idiot.”
They entered Arthur’s house, the grand foyer before them. Arthur led the way to the kitchen.
“Time-travelling magical pests be damned,” Merlin shot out without much thought.
Arthur stared at him. “You didn’t say it was a time-travelling pest.”
“What part of ‘extensive time travel’ did you not understand?” Merlin retorted.
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Merlin. I need a drink.”
“What about Morgana?”
“She can wait.” Arthur said curtly and headed over to the liquor cabinet.
Merlin followed him, hoping that he had some honeyed mead.
~ * ~
They drove over to Morgana’s eventually.
“Hello, Merlin. It’s good to see you,” Morgana said. She hugged him, Merlin relaxing in her embrace. She let go and then smiled at Arthur. “Arthur,” she acknowledged with a nod.
“What do you need to tell us, Morgana?” Arthur pressed once they were seated in the kitchen, cups of strong drink held in hand.
Before Morgana could begin, Merlin cut in, “Sorry, I was just wondering where is Gwen? I haven’t been in this life long enough to inquire after her.”
Morgana smiled. “Oh, Gwen is just fine. She remembered herself not long after Arthur did. Lancelot is in this life, too, you know. Gwen is beyond the moon as you can imagine. Lancelot doesn’t get reborn all that often as you surely know.”
Merlin nodded. Oh, he knew. Lancelot had been firm on the fact that he did not wish to take full part in the spell. The trouble was none of them knew which life he would be reborn into or if he would remember himself at all when he was reborn. He was a wild card in that way. It was, of course, rather frustrating, but it had been Lancelot’s wish after all.
Merlin smiled at Morgana gratefully. “Thank you. That’s good to hear.”
“You’re welcome.”
Then her features shifted to a decidedly somber look. “You found out what the break was? The magical pest?”
“The bloody time-travelling magical pest,” Arthur muttered, clearly in a bad state. He downed his glass of brandy in one go.
“Yes,” Merlin replied. He touched Arthur’s arm in a weak attempt at comforting him.
Arthur shrugged him off. “What have you found out, Morgana? You’re going to tell Merlin to go chasing after this thing?”
Morgana bit her lip. She nodded. “I have been looking into it. The reincarnation cycle is at risk, Merlin, if the pest is not destroyed. All of us – you, me, Arthur, Gwen and Lancelot will die permanently. We won’t be reborn ever again.”
“Cheers,” Arthur snapped bitterly, raising his glass.
Merlin looked to him. “Arthur, if you’re going to be like this--”
But Arthur didn’t look at him and set his undivided attention on the glass in front of him.
With a sigh, Merlin asked, “I know that the pest is slow in its assault. And that, I’m sure of it now, it has been around since Camelot.”
Arthur whipped his head around at him, and he asked sharply, “What do you mean by that?”
Morgana said quickly, “What he means, Arthur, is that this pest has been biding its time.” She then turned to Merlin, nodding shortly at him. “It originated when you puzzled out how to make reincarnation work, Merlin. As a sort of unpleasant side effect, I suppose. And it’s a rather unintelligent creature, too. After all, the pest only just managed to get past your defenses in our previous lives.”
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “Do you know what the pest is trying to achieve by making me ill?”
Morgana shrugged. “I’m not absolutely certain. You’re a powerful sorcerer, you know that. I imagine that would attract any who are drawn to magic and the power that it could provide them. One thing is clear: the pest made you vulnerable to a mental invasion. With that, it would have a good shot at stealing the reincarnation magic within you – the very lifeblood of the spell. And what would surely put any hope of reincarnation at risk.”
“That will not happen,” Arthur said fervently.
“Arthur,” Merlin reminded him pointedly. “It could have happened before. If I hadn’t let myself die, I don’t know what the pest would have done.”
“I hate this,” Arthur said. Merlin couldn’t help but agree with him.
“All the same, we need to get rid of the pest. The reincarnation magic ultimately rests within you, Merlin. We can’t offer any opportunity for the pest to get a hold of it and break the cycle indefinitely. You have to go back to Camelot – just before you finished the reincarnation spell. You have to destroy the pest before it grows in strength, in power. Before it even latches on to you. Otherwise, this life will be our last.”
Arthur knew this would be coming, but he still didn’t like it. Especially since he had just gotten Merlin back, and before that, he had been nursing worries that he would never see him again.
True, he wanted Merlin to destroy the ruddy pest because they all held reincarnation in high regard. None of them wanted to have it stop now.
Arthur just wished things weren’t so complicated. Of course, magic had to make a mess of things. The same magic giving him new life time and again was also responsible for causing them harm.
Merlin looked to Morgana. “Simply going back in time won’t work in this case, I suspect.”
Morgana nodded. She looked uneasy. “Best way would be to transport your spirit inside your past self. It would cause an unnecessary mess if there were two of you running around in Camelot.”
“Right,” But then Merlin gave her a hopeful look. “And Arthur can’t come,” Merlin stated, voicing what he already knew.
Morgana shook her head. She gave Arthur a firm look. “This kind of transport is tricky and prone to error even at the best of times.” She told him. Clasping her hands together, Morgana continued, an apology on her lips. “I’m sorry, Arthur, but you’re still a mortal man at the heart of it. Only the magic inside of Merlin can keep the transport method from killing Merlin outright.”
Merlin saw how Arthur shut himself off soon after her words. His expression was blank; a steely look in his eyes hiding from Merlin how he was really feeling.
Merlin said gratefully, “Thank you, Morgana.” Then he stood up, gesturing to him and Arthur.
“We should get going. I’ll be back tomorrow so we can do the transport spell.”
Morgana nodded. She stood up as well. She said sincerely, “I’m sorry for giving you all this bad news, but it is vital that we get this taken care of.”
But before Merlin could make his exit, Arthur by his side, Morgana suddenly moved in front of him and spoke in a rush. “Don’t make me do it again.”
She grabbed him by the upper arms; her hold was tight, desperate. Arthur was alarmed and looked to Merlin, uncertain what to do.
“Morgana,” Merlin said quietly, trying to calm her.
“No! I need to get this out, please. I can’t – I’m sorry. Please--”
Merlin turned to Arthur. “You should go. I’ll be fine. I’ll meet you by the car.”
“Merlin, what is this about?”
He shook his head in response. “I’ll be fine,” Merlin assured him. And then, Morgana collapsed to the floor and Merlin went down with her. He tried to whisper something to her, something soothing, most likely.
Arthur left, feeling frustrated that things were happening beyond his control.
But maybe it was best to just not know.
~*~
“The spell, Merlin – when I had to perform it in your place - it was horrible. I just managed it. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it again. I don’t even know how you can stand it.”
Merlin looked into her eyes, trying to ease her mind. “I’m sorry I put that on you. I shouldn’t have, but I wasn’t sure what was going on. I couldn’t leave myself exposed to whatever had been plaguing me. I had to die.”
Morgana let out a shuddering sigh, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I understand. I just can’t do that again, Merlin. I’m sorry.”
“It’ll be all right. I promise you, Morgana. I will never ask that of you again.”
“But, what if you don’t succeed in destroying that pest? What if you don’t make it back?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Everything will work out. Just trust me, okay?”
“Thank you, Merlin,” She said with emotion. Merlin could see the relief on her face, a troubling burden lifted off of her.
He did not dare tell her what he was beginning to consider. No, that was one thing she didn’t need to know.
~ * ~
“Arthur, don’t you get tired?” Merlin asked.
They were in bed lying beside each other. The moonlight coming through the arched bedroom window gave off a natural, pale light inside of Arthur’s room. Merlin could see the dark look on Arthur’s features. He wasn’t happy, Merlin knew.
Arthur turned his head to look at him. He shifted even closer to Merlin and put his hand on the back of his head, cradling it as he leaned in to kiss him on the lips.
“Get tired of what?” He whispered into Merlin’s ear.
Merlin shifted his eyes, a veiled look in his gaze at Arthur. “Of being reborn again and again. Of never truly dying. Shouldn’t there be a point where we should just have it stop?”
“Shut up, Merlin. I’m happy – I like things the way they are.”
“But, Arthur,” Merlin pressed forward. “You said you were searching for me for years. That’s not fair to you. Please don’t tell me that was all that you did. That you remembered to live your life.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin. If you think I was pining – I wasn’t. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Merlin opened his mouth to say something else, but Arthur placed his hand over his mouth.
“No. I don’t want to hear it.”
And then,
“What I do want to talk about it is the fact that you’ll be going back in time. And you’ll be spending all your time with my past self. I’m not happy about it.” Arthur removed his hand, and he looked expectantly at Merlin, allowing him to speak.
Merlin rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous of yourself,” Merlin shot back, his eyes twinkling in mischief.
He laughed at the dirty look Arthur directed at him.
It felt like old times.
~ * ~
Camelot ~
Gwen rushed down the castle steps.
“Merlin!” She cried as she reached him.
At seeing the state of him, she asked, concern lacing his words, “Oh, are you all right?”
Merlin smiled softly at her. “I’m okay. Negotiations were touch and go for a while, but I managed it in the end.”
She nodded, gracing him with a kind smile. She hugged him warmly.
Merlin looked up to see the king – Arthur – a few feet away.
“Arthur,” He said in greeting.
Gwen stepped aside as Arthur closed the distance between him and Merlin.
“Welcome home,” Arthur said, his voice full of emotion.
“It’s good to be back,” Merlin said quietly.
Arthur patted him on the shoulder, his hand lingering a little longer than needed.
Merlin found himself pulled into a strong embrace. Arthur’s breath brushed up against his ear, tickling a dark lock of hair curled there.
“I’ve missed you,” Arthur said in a whisper.
Merlin thought that there was no place he’d rather be.
~ * ~
Don't Say Goodbye Series
Re: Don't Say Goodbye Series
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I hope Merlin will succeed in destroying the pest :D
The answer will be in the final part. :) Mum's the word. ;)
And I'm with you on Arthur... :(
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A few feet away, a young apple tree swayed a bit from the force of the wind. An apple fell to the ground.
I got a real sense of forboding off of that--Garden of Eden allusion ftw! It's true they lost most most of their innocence many lifetimes ago...
Arthur looked up intently at the sky, imagining that a passing cloud was a knight charging on his steed. <3
I love Gwen in this. I love the way you emphasize the first syllable in Merlin's name the way Arthur says it. I love the honeyed mead and how alcohol is something that can connect the two periods together. I love how they can never know where/when Lancelot might turn up (although it makes my heat ache for Gwen.) I of course love the tender, slightly angsty Merlin/Arthur. Arthur being jealous of his past self is LOL. Maybe he and the Doctor should start a therapy club?
Overall, Merlin + reincarnation + time travel = total love. But you had better write a sequel, omg!