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It's Like Falling (4/5)
Title: It’s Like Falling
Author: dk323
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Ten/Martha, Alt!Martha/Grey Suit!Doctor, Ten 2.0, Rose
Spoilers: Journey’s End
Disclaimer: Don’t own Doctor Who, just playing with its characters.
Summary: The Doctor meets with a psychiatrist, Dr. Martha Jones, per Rose’s request in the alternate universe. Meanwhile in present time, Martha Jones goes on a birthday trip with the Doctor, but as always, nothing goes as planned.
Author’s notes #1: Alt!Martha is referred to as Alice. The third Doctor (the one with Alt!Martha) wears a grey suit, so he’ll be referenced that way sometimes. Ten 2.0 is wearing his blue suit.
Author's notes #2: Apologies for the wait. There is a lot going on in this chapter and I wanted to make sure I got the tone right for certain scenes. The next chapter will be the last [but you never know...I may do an epilogue].
Beta: the ever patient ![[info]](https://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fourzoas. Thank you!
Chapter 4: Unexpected loss, revelations and another surprise or two.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
“I have to go,” Alice informed her.
“What – you’re just going to leave me here?”
She just shrugged and pointed to her head, “I can hear him calling. Says it’s all right for you to do whatever you wish. Mind you, the console room is still out of bounds. No one can enter in or leave it.”
“And why is that?”
“Well, the Doctor – my Doctor that is – didn’t want anyone interfering.”
“Honestly, I don’t understand you two. It’s just – do you even remember what it’s like being human?” Martha asked, hoping to get an answer.
Alice went up to her and placed her hands on her shoulders. “I’m the only one he’s got, all right? I can’t leave him on his own – not now, not ever. You should be worried about the loose cannon, Martha,” she finished, looking meaningfully at her.
“What do you --?” But Alice had disappeared before she could complete her question.
Martha sighed and leaned against the wall. She was in one of the many corridors in the TARDIS. While not quite sure, she was almost positive the kitchen was just ahead.
She started walking in that direction, feeling rather hungry now that she thought about it.
Martha had only walked a few feet when she noticed the Doctor – the human Doctor that is – sitting against the wall, knees drawn up with a somber look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked gently, taking a seat beside him.
“I thought I’d have a chance,” he said, looking at her.
“Chance for what?”
“Rose and I – we couldn’t quite make it work.”
“Yeah, but you two just need some time. Don’t give up so quickly.”
He just gave her a small smile and grabbed her hand, squeezing it.
“We tried, we did. But I don’t care anymore. One way or another, it was bound to fall apart.”
Martha shook her head, unconvinced. “Don’t say that.”
He let go of her hand and turned away from her, looking ahead of him. “I thought I would have a chance, all right? I thought that if I could figure out who I am and if Rose couldn’t accept me – that I’d have something – someone else to go to.”
“Who do you mean? What about Rose’s family?”
He just gave her significant look and Martha suddenly realized what he meant.
“Unrealistic, I know, to latch on to those who look like my companions. I just hoped, Martha, that it would be comforting. Though they didn’t know me – that didn’t matter – just knowing I had other options…”
“Well, the Martha from your world didn’t work out, but what about Donna?”
“She’s gone in the parallel world. Donna died a few days before I was left at Bad Wolf Bay with Rose. Fate, I suppose. Even part human, I can’t stop it.”
“Stop what, Doctor?”
He looked as if he were about to reply, but changed his mind, moving to stand up instead.
“Come on, are you hungry?” he asked, offering her his hand.
“Yeah, just a bit. But don’t think we’re finished here,” Martha told him, firm on the matter.
Soon after Martha stood up, she couldn’t help exclaiming in surprise when the human Doctor pushed her against the wall, locking her arms over her head. His lips met hers, and he proceeded to kiss her without reservation.
Martha tried to resist, but she couldn’t avoid the moan that escaped her as the human Doctor moved down and began kissing his way down her neck.
“Stop it. This isn’t right. It’s not fair.”
He stopped, looking into her eyes, “What’s not fair?”
“This – you’re just using me. It’s always been like this. Always a game – that’s why I left you in the first place.”
“You didn’t leave me – I’m not Him, Martha. I’m a different person.”
She stared at him and roughly pushed him away.
“I’m sorry, I really am, but I’ve figured it out. The time I’ve been away from you – the Doctor that is – I’ve decided that the game isn’t worth it. To be there for him, but all he saw--”
“He’s getting better. He just needed time,” he interrupted quietly.
“And you! If you’re having trouble with Rose or who knows what – then leave me out of it! I don’t want any part of it, all right? I just want to go home,” she finished, turning away from him.
Martha started walking away, intent on going to the kitchen. She didn’t much care if he followed or not.
“You know he’ll just keep coming back,” the human Doctor shot back at her retreating figure.
“Then I’ll have Jack take care of him,” she answered flippantly.
There was no answer. Finally arriving at the kitchen and noticing a fruit bowl on the counter, she immediately grabbed an apple and took a bite out of it.
~ * ~
“You did it wrong. You know what happens next.”
He gave the grey-suited Doctor a smug look and said, “Didn’t figure it out, did you? How to project onto the console monitor properly?”
He looked at him suspiciously. “You knew and you didn’t tell me?”
“I changed my mind at the last moment. You see, unlike you, I value my life. And you have to admit, it was a silly plan. You really think he would have cared if he saw Martha and me together? You clearly haven’t seen enough of the world after being in that dark hole for however long.”
The other Doctor chuckled, shaking his head. “You’ve just made it easier for me. You didn’t listen to me and now you have to pay.”
“What --?” he began, but his eyes widened when the other man produced a gun in his hand.
“No, no…you can’t be serious.”
“Part human, you say? I like to see it as ‘easy to get rid of’. If I can’t kill Him, I can kill you. Good bye.”
“Please! No, you can’t! Rose – she won’t like this!”
He just shrugged, pulling the trigger, “She’ll survive. Now shut up!”
He shot him a few times in the chest, the human Doctor falling lifelessly to the ground afterwards.
Gun still in hand, the other Doctor looked up to see Martha ahead of him, a horrified expression on her face as she watched from her place by the kitchen doorway.
~ * ~
“No! Don’t go near me!” Martha said firmly, backing away.
“It’ll be quick. Like I said before, you are going to help us. You have no choice.”
Martha shook her head. “Let me leave. I want nothing to do with you! I can’t believe what you just did! Please, just--”
But he wasn’t listening – instead he gripped her arm, pulling her toward him.
She tried to pull away whilst the other Doctor nodded at Alice. His grip on her was so unyielding; Martha couldn’t do much when her alternate self stuck the syringe into her arm.
“You’re overreacting, you do know that?” he said softly, keeping her unconscious body from falling.
And he set her down in a chair and placed his fingers at her temples.
“You said you were rusty at it. Do you think--?” Alice inquired, feeling a bit uneasy about what was to happen next.
He just quieted his companion and put all of his concentration into the task of memory-erasing.
~ * ~
Martha woke up in a bed in the ship’s Med Bay. She felt like someone had punched her in the face.
“Martha, are you all right?” the Doctor asked, the concern in his voice evident.
She opened her eyes slowly, and though she wasn’t quite sure why (her memory being fuzzy), she felt an irrational panic come over her upon seeing the Doctor.
Martha sat up, noticing Rose was to her left, a somewhat anxious expression on her face.
“We found you in the corridor, unconscious. Do you know how you ended up there?” Rose asked.
Martha shook her head, looking around her. “I don’t know – I feel like I’ve forgotten something.”
Rose looked to the Doctor, who was occupied with looking over Martha with his sonic screwdriver, and moved closer to the bed.
She spoke in an urgent tone. “Martha – where’s my Doctor? Did you two separate?”
Martha just stared uncomprehendingly at her. “I’m not sure. I can’t really remember – everything is mixed up in my head. I’m sorry. I’m sure he’s in the TARDIS somewhere.”
“Doctor, can you check?” Rose asked hopefully.
A sad look came upon his face – and that was all Rose needed.
“No, it can’t be! He can’t be – no… Doctor – tell me!”
Suddenly feeling very awake, Martha gripped the Doctor’s arm. “I saw him die. Rose’s Doctor – I couldn’t do a thing.”
“I should have treated him better. I should have done things differently. I--” Rose continued on.
“You didn’t know what was going to happen. It was out of your hands.” Martha told her, trying to be reassuring.
Rose only gave a shaky smile in return.
The Doctor whispered something in Rose’s ear and then gave her a hug. When Rose pulled away, Martha noticed the sad yet determined look upon her face.
“I have somewhere I’ve got to go,” Rose explained to Martha. “It was good seeing you again though.”
“You’re going back to your world then?”
Rose nodded, “Soon as I finish up here. And Martha--” She glanced at the Doctor and then moved closer to her.
“Thanks for being there for him when I couldn’t be,” Rose whispered. “You’re too good for him.”
Martha shook her head. “I did the best I could. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“I’ll be okay. Did he talk to you before he died, Martha?”
Before Martha could reply, the Doctor interrupted. “Rose, I’m sorry, but there’s only a brief window of time--”
Rose sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
At the sight of her heartbroken look, the Doctor embraced her again.
“I shouldn’t have brought him here. I’m sorry, Doctor.” Rose said somewhat tearfully.
“There’s no need. Like Martha said, you didn’t know it would happen.” He said, kissing the top of her head.
“But Doctor, you must feel his absence. He was a part of you yeah?”
The Doctor didn’t answer for a long moment but then he said, “Rose, if you want to see him – you’re losing time. You should go.”
Knowing it was no use pressing the matter, Rose pulled away from him and left the Med Bay.
After Rose left, Martha turned to the Doctor. “She asked me if he talked to me before he died. I can’t remember it clearly, but I think I said some things that I regret now. I barely got to know him,” she said ruefully.
The Doctor placed his hands on her shoulders and looked carefully at her. He told her firmly though not unkindly, “You weren’t supposed to know him, Martha. Just don’t dwell on it, all right?”
“Do you have any idea who could have killed him though? You know everything that happens on the TARDIS yeah?”
“I have a theory. I’ll take care of it.”
After a short period of uncomfortable silence, Martha spoke up, “You’re not going to tell me who it is, are you?”
“Nope. Sorry. It’s best you don’t know actually.”
“I wish I could have gotten to know him better.” Martha said with a sigh.
“You know me. Isn’t that enough?” he asked her tentatively, glancing at her.
Martha smiled softly at him and brushed her lips against his. She whispered, “You will always be my Doctor.”
He grinned back at her.
“But still,” she continued on, determined to speak her mind, “he was a different person with his own personality, thoughts and feelings. He didn’t deserve this fate.”
“Well, I don’t know about that. I can’t think of better place for him to die than on the TARDIS. Maybe fate was working in his favor after all.”
Martha gave him a weak smile and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly in his embrace.
After they broke apart, the Doctor said, “You looked frightened of me when you woke up earlier. Do you have any idea as to why, Martha?”
“No, sorry,” She rubbed her forehead as if it would help her. “My memory has been tampered with, I think. Like I said before, I can’t quite remember.”
“Mind if I take a look?” he asked, looking carefully at her.
The panicked feeling returned when she saw his hands moving toward her. She abruptly slapped them away from her.
“Please don’t. It’s not necessary.”
“Something’s wrong, Martha. I’m not going to let this go.”
Martha shook her head, getting out of bed. “Let it. I’m going to find where Rose went off to.”
“Martha, what’s wrong?”
She looked back at him and said honestly, “Something about you makes me feel uneasy – especially just now. When you moved to look inside of my mind – I think that’s the trigger. Either way, I just can’t look at you right now. That’s the truth.”
The Doctor watched miserably as she walked away from him. Fate never quite seemed to work in his favor when it came to one Martha Jones…
~ * ~
Martha found Rose in a room with pale pink walls. She was sitting on the bed and staring blankly at the wall.
“Did you say goodbye?”
Rose finally looked up as if noticing that Martha was there for the first time.
“Yeah, I think I’d better go. My mum would kill me if I didn’t get back.”
Martha nodded, but then reluctantly asked, “Sorry to even ask, but did your Doctor tell you who killed him? I remember seeing him die, but every time I try to recall who it was – all I get is a fuzzy image of a person.”
“No, he didn’t tell me. Just said somethin’ about lookin’ into a mirror. And there’s somethin’ else.”
“What is it?” she asked, going to sit beside her on the bed.
“Please don’t tell anyone this, but he tried to commit suicide.”
“You mean --? What happened?”
“I’m not sure. My mum and Pete managed to get there in time. Though she never told me out right, he came home with his clothes completely drenched in water. Like he had gone out for a good swim.”
“Oh my god, you think he tried to drown himself?”
“Yeah, I think so. The Doctor – the proper Doctor that is – he knows more than he’s lettin’ on. Believe me, Martha. My Doctor’s days were numbered. Not just because he was human, but he was hurtin’ here,” Rose said, placing her hand over where her heart was located, “And I – I,” her voice shuddered with emotion, “I wasn’t enough for him. I thought you would help him – the other you in my world, but--”
“She died,” Martha finished for her quietly and hugged her.
Rose nodded at Martha and looked away to wipe at her eyes.
“Rose, it’s all right. This isn’t your fault.”
“No, I think it was. See, I didn’t understand until it was too late. He was tryin’ to make sense of himself yeah? Realize his identity and who he was, but he was searching for something he could never quite find. Now it’s too late.”
“But you got to say goodbye to him – focus on that.”
Rose sighed. “Yeah. Couldn’t think of better place for him to rest – the TARDIS,” she chuckled softly. “Though he was without the TARDIS in the parallel world, I think he loved this old ship even more than the Doctor did.”
“He must have missed it. I’m sure it was hard for him.”
Rose abruptly stood up. “Well, no use goin’ on about it. When I said my goodbye to him, he was happier than I’ve seen him in a while. About the time we decided to just stay friends, he told me that no matter what, he wanted me to have a fantastic life. So I’m going to do just that. Take care, Martha.”
“Good bye, Rose. And good luck,” Martha said, smiling at her.
Rose nodded and with a press of a button on her wrist-strap device, she was gone.
~ * ~
Meanwhile back in the console room…
“You really thought you could threaten me?” the Doctor said angrily. “You thought you could murder senselessly on my ship? And scare my companion? You’re a pest.”
“He was going to die anyway! Admit it, you knew! You just didn’t want to break the bad news!”
The Doctor only looked at him grimly. “I will not be toyed with. I do not care what you think. I will get rid of you, got it?”
The other Doctor smirked at him, still unfazed. “What are you going to do with my Martha then?”
She was resting on the console seat, the Doctor having administered a sedative into her system so that she wouldn’t interfere.
The Doctor went up to his other self and gave him a reproachful look. “She should have died and yet you dragged her along. You gave her the foolish notion that she should stay with you forever. She’s my responsibility now. You’ve broken her enough.”
“But--” The other Doctor started but he stopped when he saw the TARDIS doors open.
“The event horizon of a collapsing galaxy is waiting for you, Doctor.” He said the last word with a
tinge of sarcasm.
“No! You can’t! I’ve already been through one hell!”
The Doctor had an unrepentant look on his face. “I really don’t care,” he said with venom and he pushed him out of the ship.
He closed the doors and didn’t look back.
“Doctor?” the other Martha mumbled, beginning to stir from her seat.
“It’s all right,” the Doctor said gently, kneeling before her.
He moved his hands to her temples and set about erasing any memory of the rogue Doctor from her mind. Best let her move on in peace, he thought.
Once he was done, Martha woke up slowly and opened her eyes. Upon seeing the Doctor, she smiled at him. “Hey.”
“Who do you think I am, Martha?” he whispered.
“John Smith, though Rose told me about who you really are. I’m your psychiatrist, remember?”
“Yes, of course. You should rest now.”
“But wait, what about the visions?”
“All better! I don’t have them anymore,” he said, trying to be reassuring. “No need to worry about me.”
Martha just gave him an incredulous look. He kissed her forehead and persuaded her to go to sleep.
After the Doctor spoke to the TARDIS, Martha was teleported out of the room to her final resting place.
The TARDIS would take care of her now.
~ * ~
The Doctor looked up from his place at the console when Martha – who had changed into more comfortable clothing and out of the dress she had worn during her birthday trip – came into the room.
“Feeling better?” he asked lightly.
“Yeah, I think so. But I think it would be best if I don’t see you for a bit.”
“Why?”
“Because that feeling of panic, it’s still there. I’m sure it’ll go away, but I just need some time away from you. I’m sorry.”
“Right, well this was only a one trip deal to start with,” he said in a somewhat resigned tone.
“Doctor?” Martha addressed him tentatively.
She wasn’t sure what to make of his rather subdued reaction to her previous words.
Martha jumped in shock when he suddenly sprang into action and began to move around the console, preparing the ship for its destination.
“Right then! Best get you home, Martha. It won’t be long,” he told her, grinning a little too tightly at her.
“Doctor, is there something you’re not telling me?” she asked.
The Doctor looked in her direction and explained, “The only way I can help you is if you allow me to look inside of your mind. Then I can erase any last remnant of the memory – including that panicked feeling you have.”
“I’m not letting you. You’d have to restrain me first.” Martha said defiantly.
She wasn’t exactly sure what was causing her stubbornness. For some inexplicable reason, warning red lights would start flashing in her mind’s eye whenever the Doctor moved his hands toward her forehead.
“Someone did this to you. You may not remember, but just know that he’s gone now. And because of that, you should get better soon. It will take a bit longer without my help, but you’ll get there eventually.” He gave her a small reassuring smile.
“What happened?” Martha asked, curious.
He didn’t know what to say or more like what lie would work best, but fortunately the TARDIS landed just then.
“If you’ll be like that, then I’ll just go,” Martha said.
She turned to leave, but when she was about to open the door, the Doctor’s voice stopped her.
“I heard what Rose told you, Martha. About you being too good for me. She’s right. I’m lucky you put up with me for this long.”
Martha could only smile at him and say, “Don’t get into too much trouble without me, all right?”
The Doctor smiled back at her. “I’ll try my best.”
She saluted him and left the TARDIS.
~ * ~
The Doctor couldn’t bring himself to leave Martha’s place. On a whim, he exited his ship only a few minutes after Martha had left.
~ * ~
Martha stared at the miniature Cupid statue – its hands holding a red heart over its face – on the porch bench.
There was a card beside it. She grabbed the card and turned away from the statue to read it.
“Jack,” she muttered under her breath when she saw the signature inside of the card.
Martha was going to get him for this. She closed her eyes, knowing that she had already made the mistake of turning away. Here goes nothing, she thought.
Martha let out a breath and turned back around, and then she was gone.
~ * ~
The Doctor was a bit worried as to where Martha was since he hadn’t seen her enter her home via the console monitor.
Then upon going on to her porch, he noticed the small statue and the card beside it.
When he saw who had given it to her, the Doctor looked back at the seemingly innocuous statue.
He knew where he had to go. Though he didn’t quite understand Jack’s sense of humor, the Doctor wished he would have least mentioned where – or more like when – in the card.
As it were, he had to go to Cardiff now.
~ * ~
“Ow!” Jack exclaimed as a shoe hit the back of his head.
“You shouldn’t have sent that statue to her. I told you not to,” Gwen said sternly, folding her arms across her chest.
“I found it funny…” Ianto started, but immediately stopped himself when Gwen directed her glare at him. “Very bad idea. I’m with Gwen.”
“I’m going out,” Jack announced as he grabbed his coat.
“Why?” Gwen asked.
“I have a feeling I’ll be getting a certain visitor,” he said confidently and left the Hub.
*
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And am I right in thinking Jack is playing Cupid to th Doctor & Martha?♥
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Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
And am I right in thinking Jack is playing Cupid to th Doctor & Martha?♥
Well, that's one way to put it. ;)
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Have I mentioned before how much I enjoy your Rose?
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It was difficult to have him meet that end, but I had to do it. :( He is a rather tragic figure at times, isn't he? (at least in my opinion).
Greysuit Doctor needed to perish!
I was initially going to have him live, but then I was nervous for the Doctor having this shady Doctor lurking in the TARDIS.
Have I mentioned before how much I enjoy your Rose?
I am glad that you like how I write her. :) I'm upset about her S4 portrayal, so I try to rectify that as best as I can.
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I can't wait to find out what Jack's got up his (indestructible) sleeve--Gwen seems very annoyed with him, but Ianto's not too worried, so I'm hoping for something mischievous, but good!
Little beta thing--I missed a wee bit on this sentence:
Knowing it was no use pressing the matter; Rose pulled away from him and left the Med Bay.
That semi-colon should be a comma--sorry! I didn't magnify the text enough to make it out when I was reading it the last time! *bad beta--no biscuit!*
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Thank you! It wasn't easy making sure to tie everything up, but I'm glad it all came together in the end. Thanks a ton for the beta help. :)
I can't wait to find out what Jack's got up his (indestructible) sleeve--Gwen seems very annoyed with him, but Ianto's not too worried, so I'm hoping for something mischievous, but good!
Well, Jack has enough sense not to send Martha to a place/time she can't handle...
That semi-colon should be a comma--sorry! I didn't magnify the text enough to make it out when I was reading it the last time! *bad beta--no biscuit!*
Thanks - I fixed it.
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So, post the next part right now! What's up with the statue? I can't wait to see the Doctor/Jack confrontation. Hee!
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Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :)
I felt so bad for Human!Doctor when Rose said he'd tried to kill himself. so heartbreaking!
I was inspired by a music video ("Signed, the Doctor" by hollywoodgrrl). I thought it was appropriate, though my heart broke for Handy as well. :(
And poor Rose. At least she can go and try to have a happy life now.
Yes, I do hope so. :)
So, post the next part right now! What's up with the statue? I can't wait to see the Doctor/Jack confrontation. Hee!
It's still a work in progress, but I'm definitely looking forward to writing the Doctor/Jack confrontation. I'm certain the final chapter will go much more smoothly than this one though. :)
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Anyway, just caught up reading all of this and can't wait to read more. There is a lot of intriguing stuff going on here. :)
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I know. :(
Anyway, just caught up reading all of this and can't wait to read more. There is a lot of intriguing stuff going on here. :)
Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I'm not sure when the final chapter will be up. My goal is the end of this month, hopefully earlier.
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HAAAANDYYYYYY! D:
Damn straight grey suit gets sucked into a black hole. That is the only acceptable punishment for such a crime. I'm glad Rose got a chance to say goodbye, and has the strength to move on.
I am slightly consoled about the death of Handy by the presence of the Torchwood crew. I loved Ianto siding with Gwen, because in my own personal canon, Jack gets outnumbered like this all the time. Ahah, Cupid statue.
Can't wait for the final chapter! Please tell me 'The Psychic' will make an appearance, even for one line!?